Love is Blindness and We're Trying to See

Last I checked, the current season is fall.  Now I could be mistaken, but judging by my Facebook feed, it's currently the season of love too.  Within the last week alone I've seen multiple articles talking about love or marriage--one saying marriage isn't for you, one was a priest's rebuttal (which I currently can't find), and another was about the girls guys should go after.

The articles I've seen have created a lot of buzz, sharing, and commenting. People genuinely think these articles hold the answers (or at least tangible answers). What's been most interesting to me is how young these knowledge-droppers are.  It's amazing the knowledge they've amassed in such a little time. From their years of experience, they have qualitative knowledge to bequeath to the mass.  Sarcasm aside, the mass is listening.

Maybe the fact the this younger generation blogs more frequently sends these articles viral, but it seems to me we are desperate for a youthful voice to show us the way.  We want to know that life is going to turn out alright and our fears can be calmed.  I find it slightly ironic, though, that this particular guy has been acclaimed for his insight yet his insight was discovered via his father. Anywho...

For me, the information spread has been fascinating, but obvious.  Almost too obvious.  We are looking for a utopia that simply doesn't exist. We want to find that unlocks the impenetrable gate.  It's this innate desire that keeps us striving towards a dream yet slows our reality--we want perfection.  It's like we're on a journey to quench our insatiable thirst for the end all be all answer.

Life hasn't, doesn't, and will never work like that. What works for one couple isn't guaranteed to work on another.  A "HEY THIS HERE IS HOW TO ABSOLUTELY HAVE A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE" guide doesn't exist.  Theoretically, yes, I'm sure a perfect formula may exist, but theory and practicality are two very separate existences.  People consume droves of self-help books daily; people mindlessly follow leaders who claim to hold the solutions to their everyday struggles; people endlessly hope that the next solution will be the medicine that cures their disease (metaphorically).  Note the surplus of quantity and disregard for true quality.

Reality check: If such a thing existed, we wouldn't have so many answers percolating and so many uncertainties remaining.  If said solutions existed, they'd be going viral by now.  Each person's snowflake existence makes him or her impervious to ubiquity. It's romantic and fantastic to believe someone has it right, but it's equally foolish to live under the pretense that his or her footsteps have marked your path.

Maybe the concept of marriage can be simplified to the notion of bettering your partner, or maybe even centering yourself around God; however, as I've said before, how can you make such a matter of fact claim when so much variety and mercuriality exists in the practice of marriage or life in general for that matter?  How can we say, other than stemming from our subjective pride, that our practice is the right practice? How can we preach to our peers when we've so many failures of our own? But, then again, how can I opine in this blog and then expect you to consider my words when I'm trying to disprove others' preachiness? There in lies the question that keeps life so interesting: What should I believe?

I'm such an enigmatic person.  I find myself to be so cynical at times while simultaneously searching for  optimistic conclusions.  I guess, in this case, I'm just warning that though our peers or elders might have great stories, they aren't the stars of our plot.

I believe, momentarily, that we are puzzle pieces looking to find the piece that fits. Not every piece will fit with us, but more than one connecting piece exists--it's our journey to find the piece the fits best, which will allow us to continue solving the puzzle.

I'm still searching.

Reaction: Chivalry, Women, Excuse Me?

Late last week, I saw a shared link on the magical and mystical Facebook.  It's always interesting to see what people post or share--partially to get an insight into what others read and partially to see what's out there.  As we all know, the Internet is a vast and seemingly unlimited resource; so, sometimes you need other people to help you find worthy sites.  Before I digress too much,  I'll like to react to the shared link.

The article, an opinion piece, is posted on a side called Elite Daily.  The article is called, "Why Chivalry is Dead, From a Man's Perspective." I strongly encourage you to read the article as it will give you a better perspective of where I'm coming from.  It's a relatively short piece but I don't intend of summarizing it line by line. Instead, I'll summarize a few notions thrown out and go from there.  

First, I find it telling that the third comment posted about the article reads:

Article in a nutshell: "Man, I'm just trying to be a nice guy, but women these days are too busy being whores to appreciate me. Chivalry is dead!" Wait, wut?

A comment like that is disconcerting for an article; just an observation.  Summary of general main points: we live in a hookup culture and thus dating is done, people would be surprised what you could learn from others by going on actual dates and not just looking to bang, men aren't treating women the way they are supposed to be treated, we don't know how to communicate, girls only get with jerks, women are complacent, eventually women will wise up and ask for what they deserve, the author still enjoys meaningless sex but comes back to his core values.

I deep down think the author's intentions are innately good. I do, in fact, think he means well and is trying to grasp the day and age we live in while sticking to traditional values.  The problem is, though, he's just too off base for me.

I agree that communication is lacking in our world and we live in a hook up culture.  It is really hard to deny these points when they are staring us in the face on a daily basis--especially as a single individual. While dating isn't totally done, it seems more and more people are looking for a hookup as a means to facilitate a relationship rather than courting (besides internet "dating").  Also, communication is totally messed up with the droves of technology communicating for us today.  That's all fine and dandy.

He begins to lose me when he talks about women's complacency and how they merely get with jerks. Admittedly, I used to think that women just got with jerks; I guess part of me still does to some extent.  I think, rationally speaking, that's a really ignorant and naive stance, though.  For one, you can't justify grouping all women generically.  Secondly, I'd like to think that not all guys dating women are jerks.  Third, it feels like a copout to make such a claim.  I once heard an explanation that really stuck out to me about this "issue" from a woman's perspective.  Jerks are more confident in who they are and display that confidence; confidence is sexy.  Ergo, jerks are sexy.  Moreover, "good guys" often carry the stigma that they can't get with women because they aren't jerks and thus are lacking in confidence from the get go.  Many flaws exist within women only date jerks, but that's a subject for a different time.  The complacency is an issue that I'll couple with my biggest issue below.

He really loses me, and I think he loses sight of today's world, when he says that he believes women will wise up.  It seems to me that the complacency and the predicted "wising up" go hand in hand.  Again, I think this guy has good intentions at heart; I just don't think he thought this article through.  By calling women complacent and suggesting they need to wise up, the author is clearly ignoring feminism. DONE DONE DONE! Some people out there may not be overly familiar with feminism while others may not be for it in general.  I don't want to sit here and lecture anyone about the movement or debate it. The fact that this author and others need to realize is this: we aren't living in the same age as our mothers and grandmothers.  While we still have work to do, real progress towards equality is being made.  We don't live in an age where women are strictly housewives; we don't live in an age where women are strictly under educated; we don't live in an age where women are strictly powerless. I question if the author has ever thought that maybe women don't necessarily want what they "deserve." As a "man," I'd question if he considers it complacency for a man to let a woman pay for his dinner.

Chivalry isn't dead, it's adapting (or at least it should be).  As the time shifts so too must our definition.  I'll be honest, I'm someone who looks to pay for dinner, wants to buy flowers, hold doors, etc.  I'm not someone, though, who wants to force it down someone's throat to so they get what they deserve.  It boggles my mind to think that people still believe you HAVE to pay for dinner as a man--I'd venture to say some of these complacent women may carry the same confusion.  Dude, it's okay for a girl to take you out; it's okay for a girl to hold the door for you; it's okay to have her send you a gift (maybe not flowers!).  It's okay for there to be a certain give and take--an equality--between the partnership.

I couldn't help but laugh when the author's second to last paragraph concluded by mentioning (not long after saying booty calls were cool with him):

I’m not looking for a girlfriend, nor am I looking for a wife. If I take you out to a nice dinner, it’s because I’m a nice guy, and I am looking forward to spending time with you somewhere other than the bedroom.

He talks about the loss of chivalry and this trueness of relationships, but doesn't even want a relationship himself.  It's a little sketchy to me and seems to poke holes in his article's logical flow.  Do guys take their friends out to nice dinners just to spend time with them?

I know my arguments and rebuttals aren't as drawn out and matured as they could be, but I hope my message is simple.  It's cool to want to treat women nicely, but I think we need to understand, truly understand, where we stand today. I just feel like there is a better way to rejuvenate chivalry without having women wise up.

 

Best Practices: Acknowledging Failure

Of the various tasks I accomplish at work, one is sending a daily email that briefly sums up some positive, useful news that's easily consumable to the majority of folks in my building and some others around the country.  One item we encourage others to share is best practices--these practices could be useable for sales, meetings, projects, etc.  The point being: if you have something that works, share it.

When I joined my current team, they had been sending out a tri-weekly newsletter passing on somewhat similar information to the same people.  The problem was that they found nobody really read it.  Consistent with our fast paced, short attention span society, people simply didn't want to take the time to read the newsletter.  Initially, it my task was to carry on this newsletter's production; however, before my first week ended that task was nixed.  This decision to discontinue the struggling newsletter brought forth two very important results.  First, the birth of our email, which has been cherished and read by nearly all of the recipients (we constantly get very positive feedback).  Second, and arguably more important, the best practice of acknowledging failure and moving on materialized as well.  We decided it should be a mantra of our team: Don't be afraid to acknowledge that something isn't working.  As my boss has said, sometimes stopping something is just as important as starting something.

I propose that this "best practice" should be utilized both in work and in life.  Too many times, we lost sight of what's not working.  We might be always look for ways to improve ourselves--mainly through additions.  We want to learn a language, take a class, exercise more, etc.  Problematically, we too often neglect the dead weight we're carrying around.  If we could learn to rid ourselves of this dead weight, think of the possibilities!

I think the most obvious reason we choose to be oblivious when recognizing our failures is pride.  We are so caught up with maintaining as certain sense of pride, we can lose sight of what's right in front of us.  Problematically, we tend to carry a heavily negative connotation with failure.  Obviously, we shouldn't be striving for failure, but it'd be foolish to think failure can be evaded.  Thus, it'd be advantageous for us, rather, to pick out our own failure and move on.  If we can pick out failures then we can improve as people.  It's not a matter of simply saying, "Okay, I've failed," and moving on.  No, that leads to nothing positive (instead you'll keep repeating the same mistakes).  To truly allow a positive manifestation to arise out of our failures we must learn and move on.  Then, instead of constantly failing we improve on mistakes and get better.

Dealing with failure can be tricky.  If you ignore it, it will continue to drag you down knowingly or unknowingly; on the other hand, if you do admit it and use it as an excuse, or blindly move on, it will equally drag you down.  The type of adaptation and attention needed to utilize failure in our favor is what has kept progress going.  I truly believe successful people have mastered (mostly) this concept.

At the end of the day, life isn't going to work out the way we hope.  Our decisions aren't always going to strike gold.  We aren't going to be the best we can be.  It's the volatility of life.  In our relationships, our work ethic, our education, our careers, etc we are bound to fail.  Will you allow that to weigh you down to incorrigible depths or will you cut it off to ensure perpetual buoyancy? It's a best practice worth sharing.

Robert 

Nature, Nurture, and a Third Party

I continually try to be provocative with my posts as I continue to cover a variety of different topics.  I want people to think, question, ask, etc.  It must be the Jesuit education I've received for eight years though I seemed to have always been one to question.  I'm going to continue to ask for your opinion as I write these posts.  I know people are reading these (I see the views).  This blog is a sounding board with the intent of inspiring.  As I've repeatedly said, I have many thoughts that inhabit my mind.  Some of these thoughts are right (depending how you define right) while others aren't so right.  Anywho...

I'd like to bring up something that has been bugging me for quite some time.  To be honest,  I originally planned on writing about this topic for my second or third post way back when. I've finally decided to throw it out there.  Following the trend of my recent posts, I'm going to try and keep this thought relatively brief and concise.  I will try to avoid verbosity as I want to make the point, offer some insight, and then ask you to think.

Nature vs. Nature

I'm not sure about you, but I know especially since high school the nature/nurture debate has been brought up a ton, especially in classes.  For a long time, it seems, people have been debating whether one plays a larger role in the growth of an individual than the other.  Many arguments have been made, many theories have percolated, and much progress has been made.  I think it's relatively safe to say that generally speaking people today mostly agree that it's a pretty even contribution.  As with many things, we don't have a quantifiable test to determine the true value, but through observations it seems pretty evident both nature and nurture play a role in shaping an individual.  It's hard to argue one really plays a  more pertinent role than the other; however, I think on individual bases one could argue for nature over nurture or vice versa.

That's all fine and dandy, and I'm glad we can generally agree especially since we can't seem to agree on much these days.  I'd like to offer a third player in the shaping of a person.  Maybe not so much the shaping, but the trajectory of an individual's life.  What compiles their being, if you will.  When considering an individual and what happens in his or her life, I posit free will must be taken into consideration.  Free will might not be the best diction--maybe I'm think more about will, determination, etc.  I'm going to stick with free will, though, until I can think of something better or you can give me something better (see what I just did there?). 

So...

This addition to the equation is somewhat tricky.  Free will/will/determination sounds like something that would fall into the category of nature as it is stems from (presumable) our biological makeup rather than our surroundings.  True, very true.  I'd like you to keep an open mind though and view it as a separate entity.  

Two examples:

My brother, sister, and myself have the same parents and grew up facing similar circumstances.  Yet, our paths are all different.  We are all driven by different things; we all have our own ambitions.  Some things my siblings do make me scratch my head as I'm sure they feel the same way about me.  We have (basically) the same genetic makeup and nurture.  You could argue that our difference in drive/personality (I supposed) comes from slight alterations in genetics.  That could very well be true, but I just don't buy it.  We each exhibit personality traits similar to our parents and at the same time we exhibit non-similar traits as well.

I also can't help but consider this free will when considering really successful people who came from nothing or those who come from everything and end up with nothing.  It's hard to argue against the power of will when consider someone who is born into a family with a history of poverty and comes out on top. Numerous examples exist but look at someone like Jay Z.  I don't care what you think of the guy's art, he made himself into something purely by willing it and now he runs so much.  It's incredible.  Conversely, there are innumerable celebrity or even non-celebrity kids who come are born into great situations yet fail to do anything with their lives.  Yes, just because you have a crappy home life or rich parents won't dictate your childhood to be one way or another.  I'm just saying it's hard to deny these scenarios and their outcomes when there are equally as many that follow the suit you'd suspect.

To wrap this post up shortly, I guess I'm just saying we are all faced with multiple forks in the roads in our lives.  I feel like our nature/nurture gives us the tools but it's up to us to choose the road.  If you are determined to undermine your circumstances, I really think you can (positively or negatively).  I just feel at some point we ought to take more responsibility of our actions and our beings, and make more conscious decisions or accept them at face value.  Will you find the determination to make your life how you want?

The Powerfully Poisonous Image and Why We Must Overcome it

I'm going to keep this post relatively brief as I want it to be less space filling and more thought provoking.  Plus, I really need to get a post out since it's been too long in gaps, but that is another story (making excuses that I've been too busy transitioning).  More on that will come.

Today, more specifically now, I can't help but think about the notion of image and how heavy its implications can weigh on us.

We live in a world where image seems to be everything and we make it that way, which impeded our abilities to act innately.  Not everyone is worried about how their image is portrayed, yes there are always outliers, but much of our lives are micromanaged because of image. To clarify, I don't want you to think I'm trying to say you shouldn't care about your image; conversely, I'm same we should care about our image in a more concentrated and productive manner.  A couple examples to consider:

Drake, an actor turned musician, seems to be quite the polarizing artist.  On one hand, people like the emotional and real life quality he brings to his music.  On the other hand, he's too soft and emotion; some people see him as a weak individual and unworthy of musical accolades.  Since he falls under the rap/hip-hop category, he's proscribed an image of "gangster" or "hood" that he's supposed to adhere to, but he doesn't.  We tend to get so caught up in an artist's image and who they are supposed to be that we loose sight of the artist.

In a similar vain of artists and images, one can't help but think about Miley Cyrus.  She's an example of someone so desperate to break her image that she's going to extremes to create a new one.  I get the sneaking suspicion this new image isn't necessarily the image she wants deep down, but instead the one she thinks can be most beneficial to her short term in achieving certain goals.

An example that leaves me despondent:
Today, news broke about a 16 year old boy in Chicago who was murdered because he refused to join a gang.  The gang members tried to project their image on him and when he rejected their ideals they projected and protected their image by taking his away, permanently.  What's saddening about this story is that it isn't isolated.  Too many young people, in general, are getting murdered/killed because their image doesn't fit the liking of a certain group.

Countless war veterans either ignore or are ignored for their mental illness suffered from trauma post active duty.  They're so worried of maintaing an image of strength and honor, the fact that mental illness is real and dangerous (now matter how strong you claim to be) gets lost.  Sadly, because this image gets protected and deeper problems get neglected, tragedy strikes on both small and large scales.

As people of religion, we often project our images of what is supposedly ideal (which is another topic entirely).  When outsiders don't fit these images, we are quick to reject and condemn them.  Unfortunately and confusingly, trying to project and condemn images due to religion kind of goes against its core.  Treat others how you want to be treated; love your neighbor.  Instead, we preach religion but spread hate when the image isn't right.

Men have to be strong; women must be week.  When the converse image is displayed, there's obviously something wrong with that individual for they just don't fit.  Strong women are bitches; weak mean are girls.

The examples are plentiful, but I trust you get the point.

We get so tangled up in images and what image we should project that we lose insight and the sense of our humanity, who we are.  Instead of making the world a better place, we find it easier to crush it because it doesn't fit the image that we perceive to be true.  We preach love and say we want happiness, but project hate onto others.  Until we can accept the fact that people like what they like and let go that not everyone will fit the mold our minds create, we won't ever live in harmony.  I strongly urge everyone, myself included, to stop worrying about fitting into and image and just be you.  On that note, let others be them and love them for it.  After all, we're all an image of God, aren't we? I'd at least like to think that. I hope you take this thought into consideration. --Robert

Week One Observations: Five Things I Learned About the Working World

It's been a busy few weeks and I apologize for the delays in blogging but promise to pick it back up with a vengeance as I get settled.  Tonight, I'd like to make a quick, but somewhat fun post about things I learned/noticed from this first (unofficial) week of work. No crazy revelations here; just some simply observations.

Five Things I Learned About the Working World

1. Wearing ties is...frowned upon? 
As many of you know, and many of you may not know, I went to a private, Catholic high school.  Our dress code was shirt, tie, dress pants and shoes every day. The purpose of the dress code was not only supposed to keep us in a proper mindset to be ready to learn, but it was also implemented with the intention of preparing us for the "real world."  So, after four years of it I became very accustomed to wearing a shirt and tie for professional matters.  Heck, any time I had to be "fancy," a shirt and tie has since been a must.  At every internship I've worked at, I have worn a shirt and tie.  I have also been under the presumption that wearing a tie was the proper thing to do. False. This week, one of the first questions I got asked as I entered my new building and new job was, "Why are you wearing a tie?" Now, I'm sure not every workplace is like mine, but I figured as a bigger company they would follow whatever the ubiquitous fashion trend of professional businesses is.  A few people told me to not wear a tie.  I wore a polo shirt I found stashed in my dresser drawer today and it felt super weird.  Welcome to the working world. Where did the "real world" go?

2. Meetings are a requirement you're bound to form a love/hate relationship with.
As an intern, I wasn't ever really required to go to meetings--not too often, anyways. I went to a few here and there just to get the experience, but many times I was told not to worry about going.  From last Friday through this Friday, I've been to about ten plus meetings.  Some of them have seemed so unnecessary. Others seem necessary but ill-conceived. And others you just find yourself zoning out.  While meetings can be a drag they are a necessary component of work life (office work life, at least).  It helps keep communication in tact and drive projects forward.  The real beauty of meetings, though, comes from the fact that they help cruise your day along.  Today, I had an hour meeting and suddenly the weekend didn't seem so far away.  Meetings help make the workdays go faster, which isn't a bad thing in my book.

3.  Managing your time is really important.
As an intern, I'd often thirst for more work.  I would feel such hunger pains from lack of substance in terms of workload it'd drive me to the edge.  Other times, I'd feel like I stayed at the buffet for too long. What you learn quickly is that work can often be feast or famine.  In that vein, it's not a bad idea to learn quickly how to manage your time.  Time management is important in ever aspect of life, but especially in the working world.  You have to find the right balance.  If you don't manage your time, you can be sacked with too many projects flying your way, which could lead you feeling overwhelmed.  Conversely, you could leave yourself with nothing to do.  For the second scenario, I know one may say that if you have nothing to do you should ask because doing so will get you good remarks and maybe help move you up the food chain faster.  This may be true, but it could also backfire and cause too high of expectations that are going to bound you to failure.  From my sense of things, it's best to keep a steady pace.  Get things done in a timely manner, but don't overdo it.  If you do, it could lead to some troubling times. Sometimes, you have what's in front of you and think long term.

4. Communication is key.
This point is a good follow up to the last, I think. Besides being an efficient and effective worker, do you want to know how to really impress people? Be a good communicator.  This week I had to work on a lot of projects that involved routing back and forth between various people.  I made sure to answer every email, send frequent (but not overly frequent) updates, and route quickly.  I swear, it sometimes felt like I was re-inventing the wheel. I wasn't getting overly praised by any means, but I just got the sense that people were impressed at how effective I was at doing a job I had no training for and basically was rushed into.  (This week, I subbed for a worker while I wait for my position to start). Seriously, though, just being keeping good communication in tact can really separate you from other co-workers in a good way.  By sending the extra email if you think someone possibly forgot about a past project, email, question, etc. you can look like you're way on top of things.  It makes for a better workflow and is vital for success in the workplace.

5. It's as volatile as you imagine.
If you have been immersed into a work environment at all, you'll get this point early on, but it's worth noting nonetheless.  It's amazing how quiet and orderly a place can be at one moment then how loud and hectic it can be at the next.  People need to chat, fool around, and have fun to keep their sanity.  I'm happy that's still a thing in a work environment.  I really do think without the minor spikes in humor, conversation, random donut breaks, etc people would go insane.  I know if I don't distract myself once in awhile I would. Seriously, though, it's hard to get a read on what a "normal" workplace is.  One minute you're hard pressed for deadlines the next you're celebrating a different project's completion.  I already knew and understood the volatile nature of grownup work from past experiences (like how quickly people can be let go). What makes this a learning experience is the amount of people that left this week.  It may not seem like a ton, but in the matter of the week we lost three people from our general group, which is somewhat astounding to me and shows how volatile it really is.  Yesterday, one lady was showing me around the building, giving me suggestions on where to find things, and telling me about her passion for tennis. This morning I came in and found out she decided to quit.  It just makes you realize how even calm waters aren't safe.

I'm not sure where this adventure will take me, but I can tell you it will be an adventure.

The Key to Starting the Ignition: Attitude Drives Your Life

I've spent many of my post discussing various stepping stones on the path to finding happiness. I've try to look at the different components that make up one's happiness or the different ways one can find happiness. I've suggested that it's logical to choose to be happy over sad, I've suggested that controlling your own life could lead to more happiness, and I've even suggested taking out negative feelings towards others.  Each of these thoughts contain the common denominator of control and consequence.  The more I think about how one can truly find contentment within his or her own life, the more I believe the most important factor is the individual and his or her own will power to attain that contentment.

Quick Qualification

Before getting into this week's stepping stone, I think I need to mention something at the forefront.  I am a white male who has been afforded certain privileges in my life.  I didn't grow up with money, I've never had an allowance, I've endured certain struggles, etc. but I understand regardless of my living conditions I've still been afforded privileges others have not--both because of my sex and my skin color.  While we live in a world where I genuinely think progress is being made based on what I experienced in high school and have seen in college, I understand we still have work to do. Some people may believe that the playing field has been leveled, but it certainly has not.  Unfortunately, in some instances it still sways the wrong way where a certain genetic makeup is seen in a better light and in other instances there is almost an overcompensation to make things more even, which can flip the script.  I've seen it both ways.

Why did I add that paragraph? Why did I need to mention any of that? Well, I do a lot of general speaking. While I try not to generalize, I try to spread my message so it is applicable to every person reading it; however, life doesn't work that way all the time.  I understand that I can preach about living conditions, opportunity, etc. but I can never and will never truly know and understand what it is like to be in someone else's shoes.  I can try to all I want, I can educate myself, I can think I understand, but at the end of the day, I can't know.  That goes the same for someone who wants to think they understand my living conditions simply based off of what they know or perceive.  As I mentioned in my last post, I can somewhat understand why generalizations exist but you need to take things on a personal basis.  Unfortunately, for many people that doesn't happen.

I'm going to come back to this notion of privilege and opportunity later, but I thought I'd lay it out a little first.

Having conversations with a few people within this last week, as well as doing some self reflection, I've been thinking a lot about attitude.  Attitude plays such a paramount role in our journeys.  Genetics, skills, abilities, and hard work all play important factors, but the more I think about it the more I believe that attitude is the most important stepping stone towards achieving goals and succeeding in life.  It's hard to truly call one aspect more important than another, but without attitude all the other stones are rendered relatively useless. It is the tool we really need to hone first and foremost.  (Genetics/abilities are often out of our hands, yes, but I'm saying more in the grand scheme of things).

I can, and I will, and I do

Celebrities, athletes, and the likes are often in the spotlight.  While they can get annoying or may say or do some egregious things, if you listen closely you can gain some insightful information.  People who achieve great things, whether it's through accomplishments, fame, inventions, improves, etc. come from various backgrounds.  There is no simplified formula to predict if someone will achieve a particular greatness.  One message that I've often heard from successful people that constantly occupies my thoughts is the notion that what you believe will happen likely will.  Your attitude can dictate an outcome.  It doesn't always work out that way, true. I can say that I'm going to be a hall of fame quarterback and believe it to be the case, but in reality I have no shot.  You sometimes have to put dreams in perspective, but you have to carry the right attitude.

People who psych themselves out before trying will often fail.  If you carry the attitude that you're not smart enough, not skilled enough, not likeable enough, how do you expect to succeed? That attitude is the match the lights the wick; it's the initial domino.  If it's burning with a fire of negativity, how do you expect the explosion to be positive? Even if you don't necessarily buy into it, fake it.  Tell yourself you are good enough, you can do this, you will do this.  It sets the tone for so much of your life.

Let me give you an example. As a freshman in high school, I still didn't hit my growth spurt.  I came in as a 5''5 skinny, weak kid who never faced a ton of competition when it came to sports tryouts growing up. When I tried out for the basketball team,  I was up against multiple rounds of cuts (something relatively new to me), many bigger kids, many stronger kids, many more confident kids.  I had a subdued attitude that I probably didn't stand much of a chance.  Prediction correct.  I ended up getting cut partially because of my size and position, but also because I just didn't perform to my capabilities.  I didn't believe I belonged; I had a pretty negative attitude. Conversely, in my junior year of high school I was on the track team participating as a long jumper for my first full year.  Looking at me, I didn't fit the typical mold of a long jumper (at least what one might imagine anyways).  To me, though, I felt like I belonged, I thought to myself I could do it. I carried the attitude that I would succeed.  Because of this attitude, I trained hard and practiced hard.  I believed I could succeed and wanted to succeed.  Honestly, I think I succeeded.  I wasn't the best jumper in the state, region, or even on my team.  But I competed.  I was able to jump over 20 feet, which to me was an accomplishment as someone who was pretty raw at the sport, I was able to place fourth in the league meet (the top three being my teammates), and I was able to be a varsity athlete.  Our team's top jumper described me as someone who seemed to float in the air forever.  Morale of the story: When I carried a positive attitude, I was much more successful than when I didn't.

It just seems to me that attitude is such a driving force.  If you carry a negative attitude going into a situation, the likelihood of that situation being anything different isn't high. Why? Because you're looking for the negative.  You're attitude gives you an easy out.  If you don't think you're good enough, you'll be okay not being good enough.  If you think a party will be lame, you'll look for reasons to think the party is lame. If you don't carry a positive attitude, why would you work for a positive result? I'm begging you to not be a defeatist.  Sure, things don't always work out, but they'll never work out if you don't give them a chance.

People with bad attitudes don't often get anywhere. So, why carry one? If you have a bad attitude, I ask you, what's the point? What's the end goal? Why go through life think you can't? You can. Bad attitudes tend to catch up with people.  Someone can have all the talent in the world, but if they have a bad attitude, more likely than not that will hinder their likelihood of sustained success.

Even in terms of likability, attitude plays a role.  I don't know how many times I've heard confidence is sexy. If you don't think you're good enough, you won't act like you're good enough and people will take note.  I know it's a movie, but look at Hitch for example.  All Hitch does is give the guys the confidence to approach women who are "out of their leagues." Once they are afforded the opportunity and expound on the given confidence, they suddenly jump leagues.  He instills a different attitude in his clients.  It really plays a part in nearly every aspect of your life (relationships, work, school, looks, happiness, expectations, etc.).

I have many friends who maintain a can-do attitude and I have seen their growth and success because of it. Life isn't a cakewalk, it's not supposed to be.  You can succeed to if you'd like yourself try. And I mean really try, not say you're trying but half-ass it or say it's futile.  In terms of privilege and opportunities, I understand people have more than others but I also understand you can get around that obstacle with hard work.  Heck, I know some folks who have been given easy gateways to success their entire lives. I understand how difficult that is to swallow when you work your butt off but aren't afforded the same chances.  However, I've seen many friends who have faced diversity and come out on top and are coming out on top because they carry a good attitude.  They believe in their power and know they can and will succeed.  Because of that attitude and how they carry themselves, I know they'll succeed to.  It's hard to watch folks with bad or negative attitudes because I feel like they are wasting talent or opportunities.  Many factors play a role in how your life will turn out but it will always start with you.  If there is a will, as hard as it may be sometimes, I guarantee there is a way.