Failing to Fail: Get Out of Bed

I've been thinking about something lately. I know what you're thinking ("when aren't you thinking about something!). You caught me.

Anywho, I verbalized this thought, concisely, to a friend today.  I've decided that I've been failing at failing, and it's something that has really started to bug me.

"Failing at failing? What ever could you be talking about?!" Well, I'm certainly glad you asked!  Allow me to explain.

As many of you probably know, one of my biggest fears is failing. As I've discussed in the past, though, failing isn't and shouldn't be considered a bad thing.  Certain type of failing, anyways. I haven't done a good enough job lately of putting myself in a position to fail. I have failed to give myself a chance to fail.

While at first you might think that's a good thing. I mean, who REALLY wants to fail? Thinking about it, though, doing so is preventing me from reaching greater heights. Many times (saying many times so I don't generalize), putting yourself in a position to fail means you're giving yourself a chance to succeed, to reach a goal, or to gain.

It's like the whole light and darkness binary--just as you need darkness to appreciate light, you need failure to appreciate success. By failing to fail, I'm trying to stay in the light, which is leaving me stuck with blindness in the maze that is life.

The crazy thing about this failure is that I've found I've flourished most when put in a situation where I could fail. For instance, when I was in high school, I randomly participated in a dance contest while waiting to get signatures from a few musicians. Was I nervous? Hell yes. Was there a chance I'd lose or embarrass myself? Hell yes. I ended up putting myself in a position to fail, and I succeeded. I not only won the contest, but I also got to do the worm for the musicians, and my brother and I were personally invited to the concert.  Staying safe wouldn't have afforded me those opportunities.

Honestly, putting myself in a position to fail isn't too scary once I do it.  While I'm scared of failure, I usually use failure to learn and grow. The hardest part for me is positioning myself.  It's odd really.

I came up with a simile that makes a lot sense to me. Putting myself in a position to fail is like getting out of bed. I sometimes find that it's really tough to get out of bed in the morning sometimes. The snooze button is such a whore, always wanting to be touched. I'm fine once I get out of bed. I'll wake up and be ready for the day. It's just so much more comfortable in the bed. I know getting out of bed will help me start the day and get me moving, but it's sometimes difficult. Similarly, I find many times I stay in my bed of safety even though I know deep down stepping out of the bed and into the position of possible failure is the better choice.

The worst part about all of this problem is that it's so easy to fix--in theory. JUST GET OUT OF THE FUCKING BED, ROBERT. When I think about it, it's easy, but I freeze too often, and it irks me. The only real way to fix it, though, is to get out of the bed.

Maybe I just need to take baby steps, maybe I need to write myself a note that says, "Did you fail today?", or maybe I just need to jump. I'm sure what my solution is, but I'm sure tired of it bugging me.

Let's think about it here. Are you putting yourself in a position to fail (as scary as that sounds)? Are you giving yourself the chance to reach your goals, to find happiness, to live? Sure you're positioning yourself to fail, but it's not a guaranteed failure.  You can only eat ramen for so long.

It's time I take a step back and figure out where I want my life to go and where I need to reposition myself, and I encourage you to join me. Nerves will kick in and you may get nervous, but the results will be worth it. You'll learn, you'll grow, you'll succeed. No more failing at failing.

Let's get out of bed.

Airplane Safety: It's Obviously a Life Lesson

About a week and a half ago, I traveled for a work conference. Where I traveled to and what I traveled for (specifically) isn't important for the sake of this post. The fact that I traveled, though, is relevant.

I've been reading more lately than usually, and it's been fascinating and thought provoking. Not only I'm I drawn by these stories, but they're really making me think about a variety of subjects (as if I needed more things to think about). Anyways, the most recent books I've read, The Fault in Our Stars and Perks of Being a Wallflower (both recommended and both books I'd recommend), seem to both focus to some degree on individual action.  They both shout the message that the world isn't going to give you want you want; you have to take it (okay, well some people seem to have the world on speed dial).

What does traveling have to do with the thoughts about these books? Simple: Air plane safety procedures.

I got to thinking the other day that a particular air plane safety procedure thematically follows a key message in the aforementioned books.

I'm referring to the rule about what happens if oxygen pressure drops in the cabin and the oxygen masks fall from above. They tell you how to put the mask on, which seems relatively simple. The key, the rule they emphasis, is to put on your mask BEFORE you put on someone else's oxygen mask.  The thought process, I'd assume, is if you get nervous and mess up helping your companion, you're both pretty screwed. Okay, so that wasn't the best way to put it, but it gets the point across.

According to this rule, you can't adequately help someone else until you help yourself out first. Bing, bang, boom; connection made.

Whenever I hear this rule on a plane (the whole five times I've traveled on a plane), I always have hypothetical thoughts. What if it's my spouse next to me? Or a child? Or MY child? Could I really sit there and secure my safety while I'm seemingly putting him or her at risk? It's hard for me to think I could. Like, I'd want to do what's right; so, I may decide to follow the rules. But, in many of the situations, I hypothetically think it's a better idea to secure his or her oxygen mask.

It's tough, but I'm starting to think that I'm wrong. Maybe it's the high from the books; maybe I'm just thinking more logically; maybe I'm growing up and learning. I'm not really sure.

If you can securely fasten your oxygen mask first, you'll have the ability to work more efficiently when trying to help others. First off, they might be capable of putting their own oxygen masks on. Secondly, while you may have adrenaline and be a little shaky, you'll have more oxygen, which will help you function. Plus, if you focus on getting yours first with the thought of helping others after, you're probably going to be more focused on getting the oxygen mask on quickly, instead of panicking to get someone else's on before you run out of air.

I've decided this thought process and the air plane safety rule is a solid metaphor for life. You have to save yourself before you can save someone else.

It's actually somewhat unfair to the other person if you don't. If you think about it, helping them first means you aren't at full strength, and who needs half-assed help?  If you can't even save yourself, how do expect to save someone else?

Okay, maybe "save" is a little extreme. How about we start off with take care of yourself. The thought applies to both.

I think my problem with this notion is I've felt like it was selfish. I felt I was selfish if I thought about myself and my own needs first (still, somewhat do); however, it's actually kind of selfish if you aren't being a little selfish.

Helping someone when I can't help myself is (a) hypocritical, (b) unfair, and (c) not helping anyone in the long run, usually.

Sure, sometimes you have to think about others in the spur of the moment. Like, oh man that guy is going to get hit by a car if I don't say anything. Duh, you say something.

I'm more referring to general-ish situations. It just seems more likely that you'll both crumble if a broken person tries to fix a broken person without trying to either separately or simultaneously fixing your own broken nature. Or if you're trying to appease someone else while not appeasing yourself, it doesn't bode well as it's probably not sustainable in a positive manner.

In Perks of Being a Wallflower (spoiler alert), towards the end the main character's crush kind of explains one instance of what I'm talking about. The crush asks him why he never asked her out after a period of hardships when he was there for her. He responded saying he was just trying to be a friend and didn't think that's what she wanted. Even though he wanted to ask her out, he was holding himself back to follow what he PERCEIVED to be her needs. In doing so, he was helping her but he wasn't fully there. He was holding back his true essence. She said that it wasn't fair to either of them to do so because for one he wasn't showing her the true him and secondly, he wasn't allowing her to be her since he made the presumption. He hid both of them by not acting, talking, or showing his feelings. All along, she actually needed him to be him. Don't worry, it works out as he finally decided to take care of himself before worrying about everyone else for once. This leads to resolutions of conflicts that helps EVERYONE in the end.

Obviously, this story is just that, a story. It's a fictional story; however, I think it holds more truths than fallacies. To me, it kind of goes back to this whole divorce debacle we face. It seems like many people marry someone else before they know who they are and before they can take care of their own needs. They then expect too much out of their partner, and things eventually crumble as they learn (or sometimes don't learn) how to achieve this particular independence despite his or her spouse instead of learning before and co-existing. It seems to be a wedge when you have to find yourself after joining a team in matrimony.

Alright, I've taken enough of your time. I think, I hope, I've gotten my point across. When I was thinking about this post I kept thinking about the line: Until you find yourself it's impossible to lose you.  I think it fits. Let's all work on working on ourselves before holding up the world with busted knee caps. Can ya dig it?

Grab your oxygen mask!