New Years Approaches: Time for Resolutions

Are you ready? Are you pumped? It's an exciting time: right now. The new year is right around the corner.  You know what that means, right? That means we get to kick this perpetually treacherous year to the proverbial curb; that means we get to make new resolutions; that means we get our annual injection of hope. The possibilities are endless. This year will be different. Right?

Do you ever approach a new year and reflect on the previous new year? Do you ever think about how the new year has become somewhat trite as it begins a new, yet unchanging cycle?

This year, I'm going to be happier. This year, I'm going to lose weight.  This year, I'm finally going to make that move. This year, I'm going to be a better person. This year, I'm going to fall in love--or at least fall in like.

We seem to constantly set these incredibly ambitious goals with our sights on the end instead of the means. We tend to neglect the path and think about the gratification of achievement.  We intend to reach the peak but we don't consider the climb.  The new year season is a season of hypotheticals.  Problematically, hypotheticals don't usual turn into realities.

I posit that if we were to reach for the stepping stones rather than the end goals, we'd reach our end goals more consistently. We need to position ourselves to succeed rather than merely hoping/wishing we'll succeed.

Instead of saying you're going to lose weight, say you're going to go to the gym once a week.  Then go to the gym once a week, then twice, then three times.

Instead of saying you're going to get a job, say you're going to find one place to apply to every day. Say you're going to talk to one person a day and inquire.  Say you're going to do something each day to make someone want to hire you.  Don't just desire that job, put yourself into the position for a job.

Instead of saying you're going to fall in love, be more social. Do things to meet new people.  Throw yourself out there.  Why won't people like you? Why do other people have what you want? They go for it.  You don't just get to love; it's a process.

Instead of saying you're going to do better at school, say you're going to study an extra hour each week without distraction. Heck, even an extra half an hour.  Let yourself accomplish that and see the difference it makes.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

Instead of making seemingly defined but actually vague goals, shoot for tangibility.  Shoot for ways to get you in position.  We can't leap from A to Z.  It takes steps.  Successful people don't reach success over night.  They work at it constantly.

Payton Manning and Tom Brady haven't sustained success by constantly throwing deep balls and going for the instant score.  They've sustained success by working at getting first downs and moving towards the endzone.  Perfecting their craft.

Similarly, we need to have our goals be to get the first down.

I'll be honest, I often consider myself a hopeless romantic.  I perpetually wish for and desire real connection.  But I never feel it and I never have it.  I yearn for companionship.  I'll see other people who are happy and wonder why not me?  My problem? I want to fall in love but I haven't positioned myself to succeed.  I haven't thought about the process.  Instead, I've neglected it.

I haven't thrown myself out there.  I get in the situation and stay standing.  How can I complain when I don't help myself out?  I'm consumed by thoughts of failure or even worse, success.  But yet I still wish/hope/yearn for it.

At the end of the day, if you want to change something this new year you can.  You don't need a new years resolution to do so, though.  You have the power. We have the power.  It's a matter of how we approach this change.  It's a matter of how much you really want it as opposed to how much you want other people to think you want it.  Talk is cheap.  Life isn't going to just hand out the rewards (for most of us).  If you truly want to achieve a goal, prove it.  Take the necessary steps and position yourself for success.  Be what you want to be. Do what you want to do.

I believe in you.

Challenge: Face Fear and Fight

Fear.

F.
E.
A.
R.

Fear of failure.
Fear of mistakes.
Fear of being made fun of.
Fear of being hurt.
Fear of screwing up.
Fear of spiders.
Fear of people.
Fear of loving too much.
Fear of loving too little.
Fear of it not being enough.
Fear of judgement.
Fear of....

Fear. It's exhausting. It's paralyzing. Everyday, we all face it to some extent; we all face it to various degrees. But we all face it.  Something makes us take a step back and say what if I don't or what if I'm not...?

As we evolve, so does our fear. Each new stage in our lives, each new chapter, brings a new worry, anxiety, fear.  I don't care if you know someone who says they're "fearless." That's bull. They aren't.  We naturally face "fight or flight" on the daily.  I'd argue, that's our body's natural fear. Key word: Natural.

I think many of us are immobilized in some way, shape, or form by our fear. And it needs to stop.  I can't speak for all of you with certainly, but I know it definitely shapes my life. Based on my observations, it shapes/controls others' lives too. A student fears they aren't good enough; so, he or she doesn't try.  One of my favorites: people who won't dance because they "can't dance" and fear they'll be made fun of.  Fun fact: not many people can dance.  It's not about the quality of dancing--it's about the quality of fun.

Like I said, it needs to stop. We need to, collectively, overcome our fear. I think the fear of doing things differently has arguably even hampered progress.  But, for the sake of this brief post, let's stick to individual bases.

For too long, I've let certain fears inhibit me from doing things that I dream about doing.  For too long, I've impeded my own happiness because I fear I'll mess it up.  For too long, I've cut out certain fears while letting others grow into uncontrollably poisonous weeds deep within my spirit.

Fear is so odd because it's such an enigma.  With it, I feel like I'm in constant paradox.  On one hand, it's so easy to overcome--you simply must choose fight.  We must act against the fear.  Like with dancing, once you start it's not so bad after all.  Yet, on the other hand, it's sometimes easier said than done.  At the end of the day, you just have to fight. Period.

I recently challenged you all to collect happiness.  Well, I now challenge you to fight fear.  I know it's not an easy thing to do but remember a few things.  One, YOU ARE MORE THAN FEAR; FEAR DOES NOT OWN YOU. Two, AT THE END OF THE DAY, SOMEONE WILL STILL LOVE YOU. Three, LOOK AT HOW HAPPY PEOPLE WHO CAN OVERCOME THEIR FEAR ARE. Four, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. No matter what, no matter how lonely you may feel, you are not alone.  Someone, in some manner, can connect with you if you let them.

So, I challenge you to find a way to challenge yourself to overcome your fear.  Maybe it'll take baby steps; maybe you'll throw yourself into the shark tank.  Just do it.  I think I want to write myself a note that I know I'll see daily that reads: Robert, it's okay to fail. Just get back up and learn.

It's weird because I've learned best from failing.  Like, some people used to think I was so good with computers in grade school.  I wasn't; I just failed until I got it right and learned how to do it right...I digress...

Be brave. Be bold. Be a fighter of fear. I believe in you and others do too. It's time we ditch our excuses and our fears and start believing in us. Let's get it.

A Christmas Question

I know I'll often say that I'm going to keep a post short and then I start rambling.  Maybe that's my version of short.  Anyways, today's post is actually going to be brief, as I don't have an answer.

I have a question I'd love to hear your opinion on.  If nothing else, I hope you'll read this post and it'll make you ask yourself this question.  As the holidays are upon us, I think it's imperative for each of us to do some reflecting.

I was talking to my brother the other day about certain circumstances when endless questions came to my mind.  My questions ranged from how long do parents give presents to kids to how sad should one be if he or she doesn't get a present and is the a societal thing to many others.  All of the questions lead to this central question that I want us all to consider:

Should getting presents (or maybe even the idea of presents in general) matter in the grand scheme of things?

Maybe some of you have faced a situation where you've had to consider that question; maybe some of you have.  Regardless, I think it's important to think about.  Have we lost the essence of the holiday spirit? Have we gravitated towards presents at the price of gravitating away from things like family, humanity, and love? What about all those who yearly don't have a Christmas with presents?

I have some initial thoughts and some deeper thoughts.  Maybe it'll be hard for people to ponder if they cannot empathize with situations where Christmas presents weren't impending.  Maybe it'll be easy.  I don't know.

I just hope for this holiday season, whatever holiday you celebrate, you try to take a step back from the materials and think about what's truly important to you this season. Celebrate the life you've been afforded and the people surrounding you.  If you can't do that, maybe this year you can give yourself the present of a new presence in the everyday.

A Challenge: Collect and Distribute Happiness

The other day at work, I was walking past a colleague's cubicle.  She often pins pictures of friends or from events. As I stopped to look, I noticed she recently added a few new pictures of paintings. Relatively small, the paintings intrigued me.

Upon seen the new photos, I thought about all of the art collectors out there, which made me think about people who collect sports memorabilia. This train of thoughts continued to thinking about the various materialistic items many of us collect to various degrees.  We seem to each have a particular, peculiar taste in some sort of trinket, collectible, etc.

This isn't it, but it's neat.

I often wonder about the reasoning behind one's collection. Is it to ultimately gain money by accruing a unique collection of items that can be sold for a great sum? Is it to show off one's great wealth or keen eye for art, design, or flamboyancy? Is it in hopes of filling some psychological void left from a childhood or life that has thus far left us feeling incomplete? Or is it simply for pure enjoyment?

I think it's some sort of combination on a case by case basis.  I've never really been into collectables.  I mean, I guess when I was younger, we'd collect baseball cards, but I didn't actively seek anything--it was more look we have baseball cards. Being a somewhat frugal individual, I've often questioned why people collect such superfluous things.  Why spend so much on materialism? When looking at those pictures, after this fairly rapid succession of thoughts crossed my mind, a new conclusion surfaced: What if we collected something more?

For some odd reason--I really don't know why--looking at those pictures made me smile.  I felt, momentarily, a certain sense of happiness. BOOM! We should collect happiness! We should become collectors of happiness.  Maybe all of these collections are procured for more than the aforementioned reasons.  Maybe people collect things that make them happy.  Note: I'd argue there is a difference between buying something TO make one happy and buying something THAT makes one happy.  If you're doing something TO make you happy, it insinuates inorganic and contrived instead of something with an organic, innate quality.

I don't think each instance of collection is for the purposes of collecting happiness, but I think that's something we should strive for.  We should strive to have more things THAT make us happy rather than things we think are going TO make us happy. Ya dig? For instance, my dad's a collector of CD's. His collection seems endless and it's perpetually growing.  He does it because music brings happiness to his life.  It's a part of his being; it's a part of who he is.  Better yet, music allows him to do something I think collecting happiness should allow us to do: music allows him to be a distributor of happiness. That is, through music and sharing music he can bring happiness to others.

Someone who buys, for instance, a bunch of clothes for the purpose of looking good and being accepted as fashionable in society is looking to bring themselves happiness.  The clothes don't actually make them happy (in this instance), but instead they're being used as a potential facilitator of happiness--they hope the clothes will gain acceptance, which they hope will make them happy. It's a gateway to the unknown with a hope they'll bring what the person desires.  Someone who is looking to facilitate happiness can't possibly distribute it with any vigor or authenticity.

What's great about this notion is it isn't limited to materialism.  For instance, we could consider time as a  currency. Many times, we'll spend time superficially with the hopes it'll make us happy.  I'm not sitting here saying things like video games or tv or texting is bad, but....think about it this way.  We spend time texting each other to stay connected and feel a sense of togetherness, yet for some reason our generation is more depressed than past generations.  For some reason, the texting leaves us feeling lonely because it makes us desire constant gratification.  Television and video games are great ways to relax, but what value to they really add to our life collection? On the other hand, you could be spending time with people who make you happy or doing things that make you happy.  Instead of sitting around moping watching TV, we could be visiting with loved ones, seeking loved ones, doing something impacting, bettering ourselves, etc.  Heck it could even being dancing in the rain or sitting under a waterfall.

I can't speak for you but I can say for myself all the TV shows in the world cannot compare to a good night with friends.  All the video games I can play cannot compare to going to the gym or writing.  When I do things that naturally make me happy, I'm able to spread that happiness.  I'm able to be a quirky, witty jokester that spreads joy to friends.  I'm able to write posts like this post that people (some at least) actually read and take into consideration.  I'm allowing myself to be both a collector and distributor of happiness.

I understand a lot of my notions sound good but are much harder to put forth into action than to conceive.  I just think if we could sometimes take a step back and reevaluate some things we could collective make the world better. If we stopped trying to facilitate happiness by doing things like going on diets to fit societies standards and instead exercise or eat right because it makes you feel happy, we could be better.  Random tangent, that's why I respect (and many others respect) Jennifer Lawrence so much.  She just does what she wants and doesn't give two F***s. But I think it's important to note that she does what she wants, but because of that she distributes happiness.  She's not a Bieber, who doesn't give a f is just a jerk-off to the world.  She actually wants to let people know that things are going to be alright if you'd let them.

I challenge you, my friends, to become collectors of happiness and therefore distributors of happiness. You can collect it through various way: photography, basketball, music, volunteering, art, etc, etc, etc. In the end, isn't that a major goal of life? Don't do it for others do it for yourself because only when you can achieve happiness, not the inorganic superficial stuff, can you really relay such happiness to others. You can't take care of others if you can't take care of yourself.  Let's get collecting.