The Key to Starting the Ignition: Attitude Drives Your Life

I've spent many of my post discussing various stepping stones on the path to finding happiness. I've try to look at the different components that make up one's happiness or the different ways one can find happiness. I've suggested that it's logical to choose to be happy over sad, I've suggested that controlling your own life could lead to more happiness, and I've even suggested taking out negative feelings towards others.  Each of these thoughts contain the common denominator of control and consequence.  The more I think about how one can truly find contentment within his or her own life, the more I believe the most important factor is the individual and his or her own will power to attain that contentment.

Quick Qualification

Before getting into this week's stepping stone, I think I need to mention something at the forefront.  I am a white male who has been afforded certain privileges in my life.  I didn't grow up with money, I've never had an allowance, I've endured certain struggles, etc. but I understand regardless of my living conditions I've still been afforded privileges others have not--both because of my sex and my skin color.  While we live in a world where I genuinely think progress is being made based on what I experienced in high school and have seen in college, I understand we still have work to do. Some people may believe that the playing field has been leveled, but it certainly has not.  Unfortunately, in some instances it still sways the wrong way where a certain genetic makeup is seen in a better light and in other instances there is almost an overcompensation to make things more even, which can flip the script.  I've seen it both ways.

Why did I add that paragraph? Why did I need to mention any of that? Well, I do a lot of general speaking. While I try not to generalize, I try to spread my message so it is applicable to every person reading it; however, life doesn't work that way all the time.  I understand that I can preach about living conditions, opportunity, etc. but I can never and will never truly know and understand what it is like to be in someone else's shoes.  I can try to all I want, I can educate myself, I can think I understand, but at the end of the day, I can't know.  That goes the same for someone who wants to think they understand my living conditions simply based off of what they know or perceive.  As I mentioned in my last post, I can somewhat understand why generalizations exist but you need to take things on a personal basis.  Unfortunately, for many people that doesn't happen.

I'm going to come back to this notion of privilege and opportunity later, but I thought I'd lay it out a little first.

Having conversations with a few people within this last week, as well as doing some self reflection, I've been thinking a lot about attitude.  Attitude plays such a paramount role in our journeys.  Genetics, skills, abilities, and hard work all play important factors, but the more I think about it the more I believe that attitude is the most important stepping stone towards achieving goals and succeeding in life.  It's hard to truly call one aspect more important than another, but without attitude all the other stones are rendered relatively useless. It is the tool we really need to hone first and foremost.  (Genetics/abilities are often out of our hands, yes, but I'm saying more in the grand scheme of things).

I can, and I will, and I do

Celebrities, athletes, and the likes are often in the spotlight.  While they can get annoying or may say or do some egregious things, if you listen closely you can gain some insightful information.  People who achieve great things, whether it's through accomplishments, fame, inventions, improves, etc. come from various backgrounds.  There is no simplified formula to predict if someone will achieve a particular greatness.  One message that I've often heard from successful people that constantly occupies my thoughts is the notion that what you believe will happen likely will.  Your attitude can dictate an outcome.  It doesn't always work out that way, true. I can say that I'm going to be a hall of fame quarterback and believe it to be the case, but in reality I have no shot.  You sometimes have to put dreams in perspective, but you have to carry the right attitude.

People who psych themselves out before trying will often fail.  If you carry the attitude that you're not smart enough, not skilled enough, not likeable enough, how do you expect to succeed? That attitude is the match the lights the wick; it's the initial domino.  If it's burning with a fire of negativity, how do you expect the explosion to be positive? Even if you don't necessarily buy into it, fake it.  Tell yourself you are good enough, you can do this, you will do this.  It sets the tone for so much of your life.

Let me give you an example. As a freshman in high school, I still didn't hit my growth spurt.  I came in as a 5''5 skinny, weak kid who never faced a ton of competition when it came to sports tryouts growing up. When I tried out for the basketball team,  I was up against multiple rounds of cuts (something relatively new to me), many bigger kids, many stronger kids, many more confident kids.  I had a subdued attitude that I probably didn't stand much of a chance.  Prediction correct.  I ended up getting cut partially because of my size and position, but also because I just didn't perform to my capabilities.  I didn't believe I belonged; I had a pretty negative attitude. Conversely, in my junior year of high school I was on the track team participating as a long jumper for my first full year.  Looking at me, I didn't fit the typical mold of a long jumper (at least what one might imagine anyways).  To me, though, I felt like I belonged, I thought to myself I could do it. I carried the attitude that I would succeed.  Because of this attitude, I trained hard and practiced hard.  I believed I could succeed and wanted to succeed.  Honestly, I think I succeeded.  I wasn't the best jumper in the state, region, or even on my team.  But I competed.  I was able to jump over 20 feet, which to me was an accomplishment as someone who was pretty raw at the sport, I was able to place fourth in the league meet (the top three being my teammates), and I was able to be a varsity athlete.  Our team's top jumper described me as someone who seemed to float in the air forever.  Morale of the story: When I carried a positive attitude, I was much more successful than when I didn't.

It just seems to me that attitude is such a driving force.  If you carry a negative attitude going into a situation, the likelihood of that situation being anything different isn't high. Why? Because you're looking for the negative.  You're attitude gives you an easy out.  If you don't think you're good enough, you'll be okay not being good enough.  If you think a party will be lame, you'll look for reasons to think the party is lame. If you don't carry a positive attitude, why would you work for a positive result? I'm begging you to not be a defeatist.  Sure, things don't always work out, but they'll never work out if you don't give them a chance.

People with bad attitudes don't often get anywhere. So, why carry one? If you have a bad attitude, I ask you, what's the point? What's the end goal? Why go through life think you can't? You can. Bad attitudes tend to catch up with people.  Someone can have all the talent in the world, but if they have a bad attitude, more likely than not that will hinder their likelihood of sustained success.

Even in terms of likability, attitude plays a role.  I don't know how many times I've heard confidence is sexy. If you don't think you're good enough, you won't act like you're good enough and people will take note.  I know it's a movie, but look at Hitch for example.  All Hitch does is give the guys the confidence to approach women who are "out of their leagues." Once they are afforded the opportunity and expound on the given confidence, they suddenly jump leagues.  He instills a different attitude in his clients.  It really plays a part in nearly every aspect of your life (relationships, work, school, looks, happiness, expectations, etc.).

I have many friends who maintain a can-do attitude and I have seen their growth and success because of it. Life isn't a cakewalk, it's not supposed to be.  You can succeed to if you'd like yourself try. And I mean really try, not say you're trying but half-ass it or say it's futile.  In terms of privilege and opportunities, I understand people have more than others but I also understand you can get around that obstacle with hard work.  Heck, I know some folks who have been given easy gateways to success their entire lives. I understand how difficult that is to swallow when you work your butt off but aren't afforded the same chances.  However, I've seen many friends who have faced diversity and come out on top and are coming out on top because they carry a good attitude.  They believe in their power and know they can and will succeed.  Because of that attitude and how they carry themselves, I know they'll succeed to.  It's hard to watch folks with bad or negative attitudes because I feel like they are wasting talent or opportunities.  Many factors play a role in how your life will turn out but it will always start with you.  If there is a will, as hard as it may be sometimes, I guarantee there is a way.