A Graduate Tangled in Life After College

People endure different circumstances.  Lives take different paths.  One's experience varies from another.  I truly believe that all of these statements hold truth; however, in many situations we can find a commonality with others.  As I sit here as a recent college grad trying to find my place in the world, and endlessly thinking, I keep returning to one concept that I believe unifies college graduates everywhere: uncertainty.  I'll reflect on various scenarios, but I think in each case some form of apprehension remains.

Before I progress with the topic at hand, I'd like to direct this portion to those still in undergraduate school.  While you still face uncertainty, I don't think you will or can truly recognize how hazy your future is until you graduate college.  While the thought of future endeavors may pester you, the reality doesn't strike until your diploma is received.  As much as I thought I worried about my future while in school, a blank of comfort surrounded me as I knew my biggest worry was finishing my degree.  School offers a temporary escapism of what is to come.  I am not trying to perturb anybody, and again I don't think you can realize the magnitude yet anyways, but I am just saying make sure you enjoy yourself and really, truly discover yourself.  Experience. Experience. Experience. Don't just settle because life doesn't work that way.

Types of graduates:

Off to Grad School, Medical School, etc.

These individuals may have prolonged worry, but I would have to argue a certain sense of apprehension and second guessing remains.  While many in this category emphatically have declared, "This is what I want to do with my life!" they are taking a huge leap of faith.  Going to these various schools comes with rewards, but also many risks.  For someone going to Grad School: While people preach higher education, companies seem to stress experience, experience, experience.  So, while you may be receiver more book knowledge than your future job competitors, others are gaining real-world experience that is directly applicable to the job market while avoiding further debt.  Furthermore, while you may have had internships or experiences that lead you to believe this Master's degree is right for you, you are making the leap that this degree will land you the job you desire.  The uncertainty of knowing what degree I would like to pursue has kept me away from Grad School, for now.  

For those going to Medical School, Law School, etc: You're making a huge commitment with no much greater certainty than others.  Yes, lawyers, doctors, etc. will always be needed.  People will always be sick; people are constantly trying to make lawsuits for looking at them the wrong way.  However, you aren't the only person realizing what a "great" career your career could be.  Furthermore, passing school doesn't earn you a job.  You have to actually learn the material and pass tests to become certified.  You aren't guaranteed to succeed, and if you happen to fail, you must face the reality that you spent how many years pursuing something in vain.

Job fresh off of Graduation

This graduate would presumably feel the most comfortable, right?  I mean, think about it: just graduated, already employed, real money, paying off debts, and feeling righteously independent for possibly the first time in your life.  Sounds pretty good to me.  But wait, what about the uncertainties this graduate faces?  For instance, job location.  While having a job right away is pretty awesome, one must consider job location.  If this graduate stays around where they graduated, they get to stick around their friends but not around his or her family.  His or her family and friends could be in the same place, but then the meandering thought of, "Do I really want to stay here my whole life?" creeps in.  The graduate could get a job back home and be around their family, but then those four years of friends built and seemingly fortified become uncertainties.  Yes, texting and skype make it easy to stay in touch, but we all know that isn't the same.  Do you really want to start over again?  You could rekindle lost friendships from high school, but will they be the same? Those friends have shared the same experiences you've had with your college friends.  There is also the person who goes to a completely foreign place on a whim.  It's the traveling and adventure you've dreamt of, but once you get there will it be lonely?  With new territory comes new people.  You potentially lose your safety net and you've just committed yourself to money but loneliness.  Going further, while people switch jobs quickly and often, as the market seems to be every (wo)man for his or herself, one still has to determine if this job is right for them.  Okay, I get it, you want money.  Some want to live the luxurious life.  But, at least for me I'd ask, is money more important than happiness?  Do you enjoy this job? Could you see yourself doing the job for forty years?  Will it make you miserable and thus project this miserable nature onto others?  While it's certainly great to have a job, I would imagine many thoughts still go through these individuals' minds.

Jobless, uncertain, but hopeful

Many graduates fall into this category.  While plausibly every recent graduate has many thoughts going through their heads, I'd argue this category of graduate may have slightly more (just because they have more time on their hands to think).  *I'm not suggesting only college graduates have worries, I'm merely trying to get/give insight*  To me, a frontrunner thought is: was my degree worth it? Or, should I have gotten a different degree?  Personally, that's been on my mind for multiple reasons.  For one, while I'm qualified for many positions, and am currently hoping to get into a Marketing Specialist position, companies often look for certain majors because they are obviously the best.  While I know in my heart I can get the job done, it's difficult with so many recent graduates fighting for the same positions.  Furthermore, while I know what positions I am qualified for and what positions I could get based on education and experience, I am struggling to imagine them making me truly happy.  I keep wondering if I should have gone into something different like nutrition and personal training.  It causes a lot of regret and negativity that does not help make these jobless days go easier.  Also during this time, it makes you question your experiences, what you are applying for, and why companies won't even look at you.  To me, this biggest disappointment is spending so much time on an application and a company doesn't even have the courtesy to send you a generic email letting you know. Instead, these graduates who many times spend hours a day applying are lost in limbo wondering if or when the company has made a decision.  These individuals also have to decide whether to move back home or trust in their instincts and take a risk.  This decision is not an easy one to make. Continuing on, with so many sales jobs calling constantly, it's hard to know who is real and who is fake, what job to take seriously, and if you should stop waiting for a good fit and take the first thing you find.  With the uncertainty of your present state, many may just grab for anything even if it makes them miserable.

Intersecting Uncertainty with Streams of Hope

While I could certainly think of or discuss more categories, I think these three cover the vast majority and the uncertainties presented overlap and intertwine.  While I truly believe we have some uncertainty constantly shadowing us, I think we need to realize that we are not alone.  People have fears and doubts throughout life.  While the job market may have different, and circumstances may have been different, I'd argue our parents when through similar doubt and can relate somewhat.  Maybe some can't, but that's why you have siblings, friends, teachers, peers, etc.  At this point, I would hope you've made some connection with someone who gets you or you can relate to.  I find it interesting that people who have recently graduated call themselves "old." While it is mostly said jokingly, I think some take it to heart.  I mean, think about it.  It's time to be truly independent; it's time to live your life.  You aren't in college anymore; the real world is calling.  The thing is, we are 22 years old. 22. Think about that.  People live older and older nowadays.  While we can't control natural law, most of us are still young in life.  We need to understand the uncertainty is there, but take it one step at a time.  Your life is not determined yet.  Many people have gone back and changed, you can too.  I'm not suggesting we all run away from our current paths and change now, I'm merely stating that the you today isn't destined to be the you tomorrow.  

As graduates, we are in a great position right now.  We still control our destinies.  Thus, I urge you, I implore you, to not freak out so much.  Rather, I urge you to really find your passion, your drive, what makes you happy.  I get that money is a big issue, and you want to be a big spender, but I believe the key to a great life is stability, comfortability, and most of all happiness.  If you can enjoy the life you live, everything else will be okay.  Be okay with who you are, with what you do.  At this time, figure out what makes you want to dance.  Think about it: You're going to be doing a job or a type of job for a long time, don't you want to enjoy doing it?  Don't you want to be able to tell others about your day and not cringe?  If you find that currently, or in the future, things aren't what you'd hoped, know that it's okay to change.  You're life isn't over and your destination is not found just because you recently graduated.  Don't sell yourself short.  I don't know about you, but I for one want to enjoy my life, enjoy those around me, and dance and sing randomly whenever possible.  I'm scared about my future, yes, but I know that I have the support and will power to find comfortability while maintaining happiness.

Last/Post Thoughts

Life is beginning to move really fast.  After each milestone, we sit and wonder where the time went.  But I just want to reiterated, we are not old--our life is not yet defined.  Just do yourself a favor and think back to when you were a kid and used to dream about growing up.  I'd guess that many to most of you dreamt about doing something that either made you really happy or made others really happy.  Obviously, some of our dreams were quixotic.  I know I cannot actually be a Pokemon trainer (sigh); however, it's the thought of finding happiness that we need to hold onto.  To those still in college, don't be afraid to seek out happiness or find your true passion.  To those who I've discussed above, I'm not claiming that you're all unhappy or you're all on bad paths. Many graduates will find their current path fits everything they could hope for (or mostly). I'm merely stating that regardless of your situation, uncertainty will creep in and that's okay.  Just don't let your current situation dictate your life if you don't want it to.  Remember, while situations change and time goes on, you can always find a passion or a path to happiness.  As you get older, your circumstances might change and your opportunity might not be there to change careers, but right now you have the time and ability to make your life a good one.  If you do get stuck in a job later in life that unfortunately circumstances won't let you leave then you just need to surround yourself with positive feelings elsewhere.  Trepidation is normal, but accepting defeat and letting fear control you only leads to paths filled with glass.  In the words of the Kid President: Be awesome and don't be afraid to dance! 

Reflection on the Zach Sobiech Story: Terminal Illness Leads to Something More

Every day or every few days, a video goes viral.  For whatever reason, we find something so amiable or virulent that we must share it with others.  Suddenly, our Facebooks and Twitters are filled with these videos and everyone is talking about or reflecting on the video(s).  Today, a video from SoulPancake about Zach Sobiech's battle with terminal cancer, particularly focusing on his reaction to it, went viral.  Likely, his passing yesterday set the spark as his story is truly inspirational and gripping.  I will reflect under the presumption that you have seen the video.  If you haven't, though, I'd advise you to take twenty minutes and view it here. While my reaction/reflection can still easily be followed--since I'll summarize the particular section I'm referring--without seeing the video, I believe it's a worthwhile watch.

First thing's first..

Before I get into my main reflection, I'd like to quickly take a step back and try to look at the bigger picture--how awe-inspiring, heartbreaking, and unknown a story like Zach's is.  SoulPancake has a channel where they follow people in their final days, showing the world their thoughts, trials, and tribulations.  While Zach's story undoubtedly carries a certain uniqueness about it since everyone's circumstances maintain their own variables, I think it is important to note and consider the numerous of individuals that endure similar fates.  It is easy to not believe in something or not think about a situation when it isn't presented directly to you, but I'd surmise that many people have a story similar to Zach's; not everyone has the privilege to share his or her story, though.  Given the limited visibility to terminally ill individuals and their families (not to say we'd like to constantly immerse ourselves in this constant heartbreak), I will say Zach makes the most of this opportunity to strike a chord with most who will view it.

Calm within the Chaos

While the entire video is worth a watch, and the whole story is worth reflection, one aspect of the video sparked my contemplative nature: his relationship with Amy, the girl he began dating after knowing he was terminally ill. Initial reaction: Wow, that's dedication and mettle.  For someone to put himself or herself in a situation where emotions can get tangled while knowing that the relationship won't last because of impending death is either an exemplification of idiocy or  the innate goodness of human nature.  Either way, their relationship was indubitably striking to me.  They reveal how in love they are, how they talk about marriage (even contemplated tying the knot), and even how many kids they want.  Zach even mentions how he will literally love Amy until death.  These words are usually uttered when two become one through marriage, but especially in today's society they often fall flat.  Because of the reality of his terminal illness, his prognosis of love remains undeniably true.  She seemingly feels the same way about her love for him (although arguably somewhat conversely).  It's easily discernible from the video that they share a deep connection.

Love without Future Pressure?

I'm now about to potentially sound cynical but bare with me because it leads to something, I promise.

After hearing about their fortified love for each other, which isn't too difficult to accept when considering the extreme highs and lows they must have gone through, it got me thinking.  I instantly began to wonder if it is easier for them to love so completely, so fully than other couples.  I am not here trying to dilute their love for each other--many teens claim to love each other, speak of marriage, or even get married. My point is, though, they have no real pressure when it comes to their love.  Since they know the ultimate prognosis, what can they do but love completely?  They don't have time to worry about future struggles or present arbitrary scuffles.  With such little time remaining, they don't have time for the petty stuff.  Instead, happy thoughts, dreams, and living within their precious moments together remains.  It wouldn't make much sense to let poisonous thoughts creep in--the reality is cemented, it can't be changed, which would plausibly make everything else seem insubstantial.  While above I say their fortitude is acceptable, this scapegoat (not excuse, rather tragic freedom from the future) made me somewhat question the validity of their fortitude.  Would they love so fully if his prognosis was different? Would they commit so completely if he were healthy?  Unfortunately, for their sake, these questions will not be answered.  It'd be much better if they had more qualms about their future because that would mean he is healthy and they have a future to fret about; however, it is simply not the case.  While we cannot truly know for sure how their love would fluctuate when facing hypothetical adversities, I believe a lesson can and should be taken from their love for each other (heck, how much more adverse situation can one be placed in?).

Inspiring Us to Love Fully

I wonder why we cannot love each other in the way Zach and Amy do or even Zach's family does.  It shouldn't take tragedy or impending tragedy for us to start loving completely or appreciating the people in our lives.  We often get so caught up worrying about the past or future that we forget about the present--a gift of the here and now that many people like Zach aren't afforded.  Trivial quibbles detract from the bigger picture.  We often let arbitrary arguments, our pride, fears, our inability to sympathize or empathize, etc. get in the way of our relationships.  For Zach, his family, and Amy, they didn't have time for those things.  While they presumably had fights, they took advantage of each day with each other to love.  My simple question is: why can't we do the same? Why can't we give ourselves completely to others within the moment and thus control what we can control--the here and now.
The past is forever written, the future is unpredictable, but the present is in front of us.

So often a relationship severs for juvenile reasons.  So often people feel the person is simply not enough.  This ineptitude may be the case for some; however, I can't help but wonder if relationships would turn out differently if we expressed a similar kind of love, commitment, and passion for life that Zach and Amy present.  In writing these words, I am not saying that you should instantly fall in love with the first person or with every person you meet.  I don't believe that is the case.  I am also not implying giving yourself completely means doing every possible thing to make someone else happy even if it goes against your morals, ethics, or own personal health. Zach and Amy started the relationship (even though he was already diagnosed) based on the question: Would you date if he was healthy?  I'd venture to say they didn't love each other instantly.  Amy had no obligation to stick around just because he was sick.  Over time and by realizing the preciousness of time, they were able to develop an arguably precocious love. So, I don't think we all need to fall head-over-heals instantaneously, but I think we can lean a lesson from these two in giving ourselves fully and unselfishly to that other person who strikes the chord.  They could have ended it early, they could have made questionable decisions (like doing drugs, have kids, taking risks), but instead they found each other and thrived within each other.  They enjoyed life, lived each day with purpose, and communicated their thoughts, dreams, and feelings with each other.  I think we owe it to people like them, and even ourselves, to emulate this kind of love and commitment. Embrace the moment.

Final Thought

Letting go of superfluous desires allows this happiness to shield the constant hovering of pain brought by this impending fatality. In the video, while everyone is saddened by what is to come, the love shared allows for a present and all-encompassing happiness.  This encapsulating bubble of love is formed when outside influences are neglected.  Selfishness becomes selfishness and a metamorphosis occurs, transforming parts into a whole.  We have the ability to share a love we dreamt never possibly; I tend to feel Zach and Amy found a way to find this love.  Similarly, I optimistically feel that this situation allowed his family and friends to find the key as well.  While tragedy certainly illuminates the importance of love, if we can learn to love before it's too late, we can live truly fulfilling lives.

Here is the song "Clouds" Zach wrote to everyone so they could remember him; this version from celebrities lip-synching with his original.

The Commodification of People

Lost Art

Individuality is tough to come by these days.  I mean true individuality.  I actually wonder if that's even possible goal since we are surrounded by so many influences.  But, the main point is living within one's self (being true to one's essence) seems to be a lost art. Why? The commodification of people: turning people, once entities of essence, into items that are bought and sold.  Instead of presenting one's self as is, with the purest intention of living out one's life or going about one's business, we as a society have forced ourselves to sell ourselves to the world.  It has become increasingly difficult to simply be the person one innately is.  Instead, you have to be acceptable; people have to buy you (or into you).  We have to dress a certain way, talk a certain way, think a certain way, all in hopes of finding acceptance from our peers--from our society.  Obviously, not everyone falls into this style, but it is almost a necessity for the survival of prosperity in one's life.  For instance, often the only difference between a designer item and a regular item is the name and the price.  The functionality most often remains the same, and the quality does not vary too much.  However, people still purchase these high end items because it shows their value to others; it allows people to see them as worthy makes.  This instance of using items to portray our worthiness works on multiple levels.  For instance, how you look--whether it be for a job interview or a first date--draws instant criticism from others.  It is the gateway to success or failure, regardless of your deep down qualities.

Not Just with Items...

Interestingly, we don't just sell ourselves through materialistic items, but how we act as well.  While it is certainly possibly, and likely, that people act true to their essence, many people act differently depending on the situation for acceptance.  They have to sell who they are to ensure others will buy them.  Someone may really like a song, but to fit in with a group of people who don't believe in singing or in fear of being judged on vocal talents that individual may pretend to not know the lyrics.  This example may be weak but it gets the point across.  Similarly, one might have a different persona for each scenario.  While I understand different situations call for different behaviors, certain behaviors seem fake.  I ask, why can't we be who we are? Why must we strive for acceptance of others? Wouldn't we want to be accepted by others for who we really are?

Society or Us?

To me, the most interesting part of this commodification is a lot of it starts, or has started, from within.  We have to find ways to accept ourselves.  People always talk about the pressures of society, which are present, but what we fail to recognize is that we make up society.  We hate the things society does, but it is a self-inflicting pain the stems from within.  We look at the mirror and believe we are not attractive enough, smart enough, decent enough, etc. Since we cannot accept ourselves we project this lack of acceptance onto others. Suddenly, a domino effect has taken place, which caused us to sell our images.  Now,  companies have taken these insecurities and used them to make profit while simultaneously growing our deprecation.  They feast on weakness; they feast on created flaws.  These companies afford us solutions to problems that we never knew existed.  They want us to believe we should strive for a perfection.  The irony is that seeking perfection quixotically makes us climb a never ending ladder.  Furthermore, the selling never stops--each day the process begins over again.  At the end of the day, those imperfections are still existent, they've just temporarily been covered.  Why are we hiding from these innately human qualities?  While we all have differences, this imperfection really seems to be the one commonality.  If we were perfect, we wouldn't need companionship.  That's we have others in our lives--to fill the voids.  Selling ourselves superficially does nothing to our character.  Looking the part or acting the part foretells nothing about your true essence.  While someone may buy the product you have become, you will eventually reveal your true self.

So?

This commodification is a tough predicament because we are seemingly stuck in a rut.  The only way to change society is to change yourself.  Hopefully, be becoming a model for individuality you can enlighten and affect those around you.  We are society; we can change.  It takes guts and mettle. Recently, Dove came out with a video that exemplifies this constant feeling of ineptitude, but shows maybe we don't need to sell ourselves.  Importantly, the self images are much uglier than the perception of strangers.  Maybe we can discover we don't need to buy ourselves, and can thus accept others too.  People are eventually going to reveal who they are.  Makeup washes off.  Beauty fades.  Acts end.  We don't need to be commodities.  It stems from within.  Confidence is sexy--people are attracted to it.  Own yourself. Be you.