Stopping the Negativity: Pondering How We can Live Happier Lives

As always, my mind has been running non-stop lately.  Obviously certain situational factors play a role, but now is not the time to delve into those issues.  Instead, I'll like to write about a thought that has been traversing my mind for some time now.  This past week, this particular thought has cause many sleepless nights.  Thus, I reckon it's about time I write them down.  My gut tells me that this post will be lengthy because I really want to try and attack it from multiple angles.  This topic needs to be fleshed out.

What's the word, bird?

You know what often irritates me? People.  While I try to see every perspective and try to accept other's thoughts, beliefs, and decisions, I sometimes just can't fully grasp what people do. It's frustrating.  I want to get that off my chest now to so I don't sound as preachy.  I'm not claiming to be perfect. I know I'm not. But I have learned and as someone who strives to live rationally, that is based off logic, I'd like to relay my logical argument in hopes that maybe even one person who reads this post will walk away with a gained perspective.

So, what exactly am I getting at here? What exactly do I mean? I basically want to discuss why we need to stop hating people, or at least exerting energy to extend hatred or even general disapproval.  I want to make it clear now, before I really get into this topic, that I am not here to bash political parties, ideologies, etc.  I will bring up various examples, but please take them as examples and nothing more.

On a personal level

I know a lot of people who, myself included, get absolutely flustered and irritated by the actions of other people.  I've touched on this issue in the past, including briefly in my farewell article for Xavier's Newswire, but I'd like to expand on this thought.

This irritation stems from multiple reasons.  It could be the fact that someone is making harmful life decisions; it could be someone is flaking out constantly; it could be that someone is bickering constantly; it could be someone is simply (to you) being dumb.  The list could really go on, but I trust you get the point.

I've been working on not letting these things bother me as much lately and it really does make a difference. I'd venture to guess that for most people, initially at least, the frustration stems from a genuine desire to help.  I know for me that's often been the case.  I have wanted to help people see how detrimental their decisions are or have been.  I often think that if they'd just listen to me I could help make things better.  This initial desire to help often turns into almost an unhealthy desire to control.  Other times, people flat out disappoint you, which may hurt even more.  You find yourself trying to improve or change the situation, but I'm here to tell you that you're energy is ultimately wasted and you actions are often erroneous.  Let me explain:

No matter how much you desire to change someone, you can't forcefully do so.  At the end of the day, a person will do what he or she wants or decides to do (obviously this doesn't include those in particularly precarious positions). I can't, you can't, we can't control others. It's really that simple. We have to learn to let go of our constant need to control.

Although our efforts might be innately good, they are potentially dangerous.  Spending so much energy into something to no avail can be seriously draining.  You can give someone the tools to succeed, but you can not hold his or her hand every step of the way.  Harping over the results, while arguably amiable, only worsens your own self-being.  Someone will only change or improve if they want to.  Forcefully shoving opinions or help down someone's throat gets neither party anywhere.  If the person doesn't want to except it, the advice is in vain.  This results in negative energy being spent being worried or frustrated.  It hurts you in the end. Why erroneously expend energy when you can channel it towards other things?

I'm not saying to care about people or want to help, I'm merely saying know your limits and understand where you stand. It's great to have good intentions, but it's not worth the frustration sometimes.  For instance, I had a friend in high school who would come to me for advice.  Oddly, my advice was received but never enacted into fruition.  Eventually, I had to realize that I did all I could do and the rest was up to him.  It's his decision, it's his life and I have to accept that.  I gave the tools I could. Period.  Before I realized that, it was taking such a toll because I cared so much. Almost too much.

As for the people who disappoint you, LET IT GO.  You're going to disappoint people and similarly people will disappoint you. If they do, let it go. You can't change what happened. It's in the past. Spending negative energy hurts your present superfluously.  Life is too brief to be constantly thinking negatively and worrying about who said what or who did what.  Move on.  If a person continues to disappoint you or continuously fails to live up to your expectations, MOVE ON.  Eventually, you need to realize some people just aren't worth the energy.  There are too many good people out there and too many positive experiences to be had to worry about someone.  As I alluded to in my previous post, people come and go. So, if you lose a friend along the way, don't fret. It happens.  Getting mad or doing something you'll regret is never worth it.  The best revenge is to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Post Writing Interjection: If someone does disappoint you, make sure you tell them or they will never know or learn.  By me saying let it go, I'm simply implying let go of the negative energy because it happened; however, I thought I should clarify I'm not implying you should simply move on because that will just make an isolated situation grow into constant frustration.  Discuss, talk, debate. Just don't get caught up in constant negativity.

On that note, if someone does stop talking to you or someone does something irrevocably wrong let it go.  I get it, we are prideful, passionate beings.  We want to stand up for what is right and we want to show up those who wrong us.  In the end, though, is it worth it? What really are you going to accomplish from getting upset.  Really, that person wins because not only do they do something against you but they also are able to rule your mind and emotions.  While it won't always work out this way, usually life has a tendency to work things out.  If a person is truly wrong, won't he or she receive what he or she deserves in the end?  Someone doesn't want to be your friend anymore? Their loss.  Someone harms you? Natural law will take care of that.

I just feel like we need to stop the notion that we can avenge everything ourselves.  It rarely ends up good and often time takes away from the real positives in our lives.  It's just not worth it.

Okay, I don't want to get super religious on you but I'm going to say something and leave it at that: I believe that God exists.  Based on that notion, it's easier for me to let go of disagreements.  Like, if someone has a different ideology than I do.  The way I see it, if said person is wrong, he or she will know in the end. Same with me.  We choose what we believe as right and wrong but that doesn't mean we are right or wrong.  We believe we are right. We have faith we are right. But we can't TRULY know until we meet our maker. Right? So, why waste your energy belittling, demeaning, or getting mad at others? Enjoy people for the positives they bring into your life. If we only concentrate on the negatives, they'll devour us like poison. Then, what good is living a life where you're always getting in arguments? I'm sorry, but I can't imagine that's our purpose.  I hold onto hope we are alive for more than that. Which leads me to...

Groups/People/Organizations/Etc.

I was initially going to break these down, but I think I've established enough to where I can wrangle the general idea of groups together.  In a similar sense to individuals, people often find conflicts with others.  To me, at the end of the day, it's really kind of silly.

Before I expand, let me clarify a few things.  I'm not sitting here trying to say you shouldn't have beliefs or opinions or qualms with others.  Holding onto beliefs and ideals give us identity.  They help form the makeup that creates our individuality.  It's a necessary aspect of life.  I don't think we'd have free will if we couldn't have differing opinions.  So, if you feel strongly about something, keep on believing. Keep on supporting.

My question is simple: Why do we fight so much? I understand there are disagreements, but it doesn't make sense to spend so much time arguing.  For instance, a liberal and conservative.  I've witnessed some pretty intense debates and fights between the two parties.  I think it's fine to discuss difference.  A healthy debate helps drive thinking forward.  But, when people spread hatred and fighting endlessly over it. Why?  What is that going to solve?

People have a right to have their views. Respect that.  On the note, why get so flustered about things you can't control?  For instance, a lot of people constantly bashed President Bush when he was in office and the same goes currently with President Obama.  While you may not agree with their actions, I beg you to stop being so damn negative all the time. Roll with the punches. Here's the deal: These men were elected. Period. You didn't/don't agree with them? Okay, that's fine. But, tell me, what does spreading hatred/bigotry/etc going to do to improve the situation? Nothing. The elected official, at the end of the day, is still in charge. I feel like if we spent less energy trying to demonize everyone or debate who is more correct than the other, we could actually make some positive improvements in this world.

Same goes with certain issues like equality, gun control, etc.  People are going to feel what they feel. People are going to want what they want.  Why get so uptight about it? It does no one any good.  At the end of the day, you aren't going to change them.  People will love who they want. People will buy what they want.  Being bigots, on either side of the fence, does nothing.  It's just a bunch of wasted energy.

Post Writing Interjection: I know I basically said something along these lines, but I again want to ensure I clarify.  Sometimes people have to do things to fight for what they believe in.  I'm not saying you should stop believing or working towards attaining goals.  Instead, I'm simply wondering why we let what others are doing drive us so bonkers.  In certain instance, yes, it will effect the population as a whole, but if it isn't really directly effecting you (really think about that) than why are you spreading negative feelings.

For instance, there was recently a big controversy about an author who happens to be Muslim writing a book about Jesus.  The author is a religious scholar with a PhD who has studied and researched for over 20 years, yet on a Fox News interview all they could ask him was what kind of right he had to write the book and how invalid the book must be because he is Muslim. What was weird to me, though, was while the interviewer seemingly attacked the author, I just found myself curious enough to read the book, which seems counterintuitive to their goal.  If they didn't agree with it, why promote it?  To each their own, I guess. I just want to know where the constant bickering (that isn't innately productive) gets us?

Again, as someone who believes that God exists, I can't help but leave the ultimate judging up to Him.  While I know and understand the Church's teachings, who am I to interpret what is right and what is wrong? I feel like those people will learn if they lived the correct life after death.  Judging harshly, making other's live's miserable because I don't agree with them or I think I know what is right and wrong doesn't allow me to live a life of impact.  Instead, I'm wasting my energy by unnecessarily terrorizing who in the end is either going to be punished or rewarded for the life they lived.  Logically speaking, again, I just don't see how getting mad at everyone who disagrees with us is how we are supposed to live our lives.  If you believe in God or a God, do you really think people were put on this planet so others could demean them for being different? Does that really sound like a loving being?  Disagree all you want, but why turn to being ruthless to others.  It just doesn't make sense to me.

I almost see it as an expanded Paschal's Wager.  Where many of us are decided to wager that our beliefs are true instead of having our beliefs and accepting the fact that others have beliefs.

I know I said I didn't want to go too much into religion (and I don't think I have really besides stating my belief in the existence of God) but this even follows religion.  With so many religions out there, how do we really know who is right and who is wrong?  It doesn't make logical sense to me that a loving an ultimately, singularly "correct religion" exists.  If that is the case, well shoot a lot of people are screwed!  Again, though, why let that bother you? What can you REALLY do about it? (I really wish we could take a step back and consider that). We preach love, but the moment someone has a different stance we act hate. Furthermore, have you ever stopped to consider that some people believe in certain things because it was the life they were born into? Yes, we have a chance to be educated and make our own decisions, but our foundations is fortified during our youth and often times carries throughout adulthood.  This is a way to say blame the parents, I'm just saying consider the unlimited combination of backgrounds someone can come from.

It just seems to me that we have so much potential for greatness, so much energy, but we wastefully exert too much worrying about ultimately unimportant things.  Our pride can get in the way.  We could be spending the energy making a positive impact. We could be spending that energy enjoying life with friends, family, others, and strangers alike. We could love fully and rid ourselves of the hate. There's enough of that going around, we don't need to add to it.

Quick example

The other day someone posted a link online that I found humorous yet coincidentally relevant to the post. Click the link here.  Basically, it's a bunch of pictures that show two churches speaking to each other through sings, debating whether or not dogs go to heaven.  It matters not their denomination. Instead, I just found it so interesting how one church got so frustrated by the outlandish claim that dogs could enter heaven while the other church just tried to preach love and then found witty and humorous ways to respond, ending with "All rocks go to heaven."

Conclusion

Post Writing Interjection: I know this post has probably been redundant at times, but I think I was/am just trying to drive home the point.  Sometimes, if it isn't repeated it can get lost in translation.

I guess, though this fairly robust post, what I'm trying to get at can be summed up as so: Let's try to control what we can, let go what we cannot, and replace the negative energy with positive energy.  It's great to have a passion for beliefs and a passion for life, but sometimes we get lost in that passion and forget the bigger picture.

Is what I believe correct? I can't say.  Are you wrong? I'm not positive.  Will my words matter? It's to be determined.  I know for myself, at least, I will try to let go of the dead weight and enjoy the great people in my life as much as I can.  I know I won't agree with everyone, but who is right and who is wrong will get settled eventually.  I'll provide tools when I can but it's up to the world to use them for the right reasons (whatever those reasons may be).  We talk about what's right and what's wrong, but do we truly, one hundred percent know for sure? It seems to me like we can't.  Whether you believe in God or not, we came to this earth somehow. Don't you think whoever or whatever started this whole life thing should have a say, besides in written texts, definitively what's right or wrong?  Faith is important, definitely, but so is remembering to conquer our hatred.

I just hope that maybe, just maybe, we can live happier lives and allow others to live the lives they choose. Isn't that what we want at the end of the day, anyways?  Just a thought.