Choo Choo: Express Yourself

After getting into a friendly debate, and promptly conferring with a friend, I found the spark for today's fire. This topic might seem vaguely redundant; it's possible other topics allude to this one.  While it may share similar undertones, I do believe this post offers a fresh take from other posts I have written.  If you begin seeing commonalities among some of my posts, I think that is a good thing.  There is a central theme, or particular root, that I'm hoping to illuminate.  I'm super interested in people and the way we work or function, and like a mechanic (a useful trope), I'm trying to figure out the best way (if there is such a best way) our beings can function. Ya dig?

I want to discuss honesty today, but only a corner of the puzzle.  I believe this discussion of honesty shares kinship with my first post, "The Commodification of People."

A Piece of Honesty

I'd venture to presume it is safe to say people understand that various forms of honesty exist. Or rather, it works through various means.  For instance, academic honesty, courtroom honesty, white lies, etc.  Like many things, it can be spun or used in a variety of ways.  Today I'd like to (hopefully) flesh out the honesty within yourself. Maybe better yet, an honestly within yourself that yields presentational honesty towards others. In terms of Instagram, I'm talking about sharing a picture (no filter).

People often feel that it is hard to "be yourself" in a world that sets standards of constant criticism.  I can't iterate and reiterate enough how misconstrued this view can be.  It makes me think of lyrics from hip-hop/rap artist J. Cole's new song, "Crooked Smile:"

You wake up, put makeup on
Stare in the mirror but its clear that you can’t face what’s wrong
No need to fix what God already put his paint brush on

I think it's time that we stop hiding who we are and accept the person in the mirror. If you don't like what's staring back at you, then take action to fix it, don't hide.  I've already discussed making yourself up in the physical sense, but here I'm referring to a more figurative meaning.  No need to put make up on your personality.  It is who you are. Don't you want people to like you for you?  How can someone like you for you if you don't let them? Aren't you tired of changing or altering yourself temporarily, or at times permanently, for the pure appeasement of others? Let's break down what I'm trying to get it.

Friendship

Generally speaking (curse those sweeping generalizations!), we seek companionship through friends:

• Friendships usually form via some commonality, a shared experience, personality type, etc.
• Friendships form with the belief that the person is who the other person thinks that person is.  
• When one is your friend that person usually, her or she should at least, accepts you for what you bring to the table, flaws and all.
• If you hide elements of your personality at the beginning of a friendship and those elements later arise, people will think you've changed.
• This changed could undoubtedly lead to a loss of friendships.
• How do you not change? Be yourself from the start.

I firmly believe that people possess innate personality qualities.  One might alter a view or suddenly like different things, but I think who a person is deep down in the core doesn't quite ever change.  Once it's established it's established.  An introvert isn't suddenly going to become an extrovert overnight.  That individual might be an extrovert around certain people, but at the end of the day when in his or her true habitat, he or she is an introvert.  These innate qualities create our uniqueness and make us snowflakes rather than raindrops.  The whole point of having friends and companionship is to find people who care about you.  How can someone care about you when they don't know you?  We often get stuck in trivial things to appease others, but must learn to realize these trivial matters are icing to the basic foundation.

For instance, you sometimes hear about "good kids" falling into the wrong crowd and getting involved with drugs.  Lame, trite example, I know.  People are going to experiment, I get it.  If we didn't, how else would we truly discover what we actually like or don't?  But if someone continues to do drugs even if they don't want to, just to maintain the friendship or appease the circle, that person seems to be compromising him or herself.  Just because others are doing drugs, doesn't mean you have to as well.  Unless your friendship revolves around drugs, your friends should respect your stance and it shouldn't affect anything.  If it does, in a negative context, then are they really your friends in the first place? Was there ever a connection to begin with?  We tend to see certain qualities or intricacies of situations and mistake them as the crux of the situation.  A gathering is meant for the purpose of gathering.  What happens there, whether it be for poker night, trivia, drinking, or just playing board games is besides the point.  Yes, those things facilitate the night, but the whole process starts with the notion of gathering and enjoy others' company.  If something doesn't float your boat, you don't have to partake in it. People, friends, are less judging than you think.

Relationships

Same thing goes with intimate relationships.  I can't say for certain I've ever been in love (it's possible), but from what I can gather I would believe you'd want to love someone for who they are.  Obviously, relationships require compromise.  It's a give and take; a push and pull.  We aren't perfect puzzle pieces seamlessly fitting together with ease.  Life's too messy.  But, don't you want to the person you are with, your jaggedly quasi-perfect puzzle piece partner, to know who he or she is connecting with?  I get there is a fear of non-acceptance; however, I feel like a connection made on lies or personality altering would be as empty as one that simply doesn't work.  It just seems cheap. Like, you're not only being cheap with others but with yourself.  Intimate relationships and friendships (in terms of this personal clarity) seem to work similarly.  I just think we need to learn to be honest and say this is me, take it or leave it.  Otherwise, you dig yourself into such a messy whole that either alters who you are or harshly severs relationships, or cleaves friendships, so that they can't be salvaged.  To me, at least, I don't see a reason to compromise who you are for the sake of acceptance.  People want you--they have their flaws just as you do. We are all finite, imperfect beings.

Here's the deal:

 There will be times that you do things you don't want. It happens. Relationships require compromise to reach fruition.  Let me be clear, though, that does not mean you should change who you are.  Instead, I am saying a guy may have to go shopping with his wife or a wife might have to go to a football game with her husband.  Similarly, a friend may go to the beach with another friend even if he or she doesn't want to swim.  While these things happen, so long as the person is clear how they feel (without complaining for the sake of complaining) that person can be true.  It's understandable you aren't going to like everything as everyone else. Honest. It happens. The husband doesn't have to get into shopping, the wife doesn't have to become the number one football fan, the friend doesn't have to swim.  The fact that you care enough to enjoy time with that other person is all that matters in the end.  That can lead to clear communication, which can create happiness.  If you have to fake something, the truth will come out and it's arduous for everyone involved.

Within Yourself

I think it stems within. Are you okay with you? Are you confident enough to say, "Hey world this is me"? I know you can sometimes think you should change for others or be someone you are not, but that seems like self-doubt; as if who you are isn't good enough.  You are who you are. It's okay. Embrace it (sound familiar?).  Friendships fade. Relationships don't always last. Don't you want to find a sustaining connection based on truths? It just seems like the better way to go.  It's almost as if people think hiding who they are is easier, but to me that seems like the more difficult road.  It leads to a bunch of bumps.  Reveling in your identity and letting other people see, I would presume, much more efficiently leads to truer, stronger friendships because what you see is what you get.  Be you; own it! Express yourself.