Is Being Selfish a Good Thing? It Just Might Be!

Hello, friends. I just realized it has been over a year since my last post. Can you believe it? I know I sure cannot believe that is the case. I wish I could say it was a simple hibernation from writing, but I'm not sure how rested I feel.

I'm not sure where my trail fell off, but I had been writing because it was cathartic for me. I guess it's time for more therapy through writing.

Today I'd like to think about selfishness verse selflessness, which has been a subject matter on my mind over the last week or so after watching the movie About Time (thanks Seth). I won't get too much into detail about that movie, but I will say one of the central themes, one of the central examinations, was selfishness verse selflessness on a very personal level.

If you've read my writing before, I usual like to qualify my notions and tell you about the multiple angles from which you can attack multiple subjects. Well, this one is no different. Thinking about this subject from a personal level rather than a broader perspective really creates a context of thought. Normally, we think of being selfish as a negative and being selfless as a positive. It's not so simple on a personal level, though.

Simplifying the movie to its core reality, a viewer would (or at least I did) realize the main character is constantly toeing the line between improving his life through selfishness - and by selfishness I mean doing something that directly benefits his own life while ignoring others' predicaments - and improving others' lives through selflessness - doing something that directly benefits others' lives while ignoring his own life. The thesis seems to be that situational you can do one or the other, but not both. When the main character decides to be selfish someone else's life turns sour, but when he decides to use his powers (time travel) to instead help someone else, while originally thinking he could impact multiple outcomes, he loses out in the end. 

It spoke to me because I often struggle with being selfish. It always feels dirty to me. Makes me feel icky, if you will. But I think this movie shows, which I guess should be obvious, that you need to be selfish at times to achieve the life you want. Sometimes you have to place yourself first or you lose out on life. It's kind of economical in a way. You have to really consider the investment and the return on investment. Maybe that's a cold way to look at things, but isn't that how life tends to work? We make many of our choices based on return of investment, whether it stems from logic or emotion. You go to college to get the return of employment. You ask out someone to feel love. You know, stuff like that. Great examples, right?

It may seem like you should always be selfish, you know, to attain the life you want. I don't think that's necessarily true or fair. Selfishness eventually catches up to you and has great negative potential. If the main character wouldn't have made some selfless choices, he would have missed out on some great gains in his life. I think the point is like with many things, there must be balance. I don't know if you have to analyze each situation as my instinct might tell me, but there are certain times when you need to do it for you and then try to help others as best as you can.

It's impossible to help everyone. It's impossible to make everyone happy. At least, I'm fairly sure it's impossible. And 50 percent of the time I'm fairly sure I'm 100 percent sure. So, there's that. 

New Year; New You. Probably not. We are who we are, mostly. But, with this new year, maybe it's time to allow you to be you and make some more choices that get you closer to your dreams. Take some times to be selfish for your own good. But never forget your friends and family, you'll always need them. That kind of sounded preachy, sorry.

I'd encourage you to watch the movie and think about it. I'd love to discuss. 

Talk soon.

Robert

Where has Our Humanity Gone? A Challenge to Create a New Society

There's been a lot of news lately, a lot of stories posted, a lot of opinions flying around, a lot of sadness going around.  I originally wanted to comment on it all directly, and had begun a post about it, but it just never felt right. For one, there's so much out there already, I'm not sure what I would add without copying off others or being lost in the abyss. For two, what do I really know? For three, I'm not sure it's my place to say anything.

I do need to vent, though. And, if you'd take a few moments to listen to me (through your eyes), I'd like to vent to you. This post was originally intended for my generation and the youth, but honestly, it's for anyone willing to listen. So, here goes everything...

I've been so disheartened by what's transpired in the past couple of weeks. Sadly, it's not like it's anything new or different--it's just getting more coverage. It originally had me angry and furious (as my brother knows good and well). At the end of the day, though, that anger does nothing good if it's not channeled towards something.

I've had a thought that I've thought for awhile; the last few weeks have merely brought it to a great sense of urgency. WE'VE LOST OUR HUMANITY. Honestly, though, I've started to wonder if we've ever had it in the first place.

With so much politics, religion, media, etc. floating around, we've been distracted and misled. We've forgotten about our core. We've forgotten about us.

Thinking logically, I can't wrap my head around what makes one person's life more valuable than another's. Sure, some people have greater gifts or greater potentials, but who are we to decide who gets the opportunity to see that potential grow and who doesn't? Where did this power come from?

At the end of the day, this is an issue we need to look at because it's staring us right in the face. We aren't all given the same fighting chance. Some of it is by luck, some of it is by choice, some of it is by situation, but it should never be by appearance.

I don't really want to get into politics too much because it's generally more combative than productive, but this is why I hate politics. As we get so lost into fitting certain agendas or ideologies, we forget about humanism.

I've seen so many arguments regarding one side or another, but at the end of the day they all have a bit of bullshit. Like, money is always a big thing. Shit, man, money is power and life and liberty. And I get that it separates people and it probably doesn't make sense to have everyone get paid the same to do different things. BUT, that doesn't mean everyone shouldn't get a fighting chance.

It bothers me when people have a sketchy sounding name, look different, talk different, etc. and that becomes a factor. Like, if someone decides he or she wants to fuck around and not take advantage of opportunities then that's his or her loss, but guys, there are too many people who don't get an opportunity to take advantage of. It just makes sense.

I'd say put yourself in the shoes of a person who doesn't have that chance, but it just doesn't work like that. We all have such different experiences.

Transitioning back to where I going, it's time for a challenge. We need to start looking in the mirror. Like, seriously looking in the mirror and realizing that we aren't perfect. I get that some stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. But can we stop looking at people and making instant judgments?

I know there are a lot of good people out there. I've seen many encouraging posts and comments and stories. It's not all bad, but it's a lot of bad.

All that's been happening got me in a darker mood and led me to watch "God Bless America" (trailer linked). If you haven't seen it, basically this guy finds out he is dying, gets fed up with celebrities, jerks, reality stars, talk show hosts, and starts on a killing spree. Like, he just goes on killing people who are mean.

It's totally a dark, yet funny, movie and I see where criticisms come in, but it makes a pretty big statement. It's basically asking the same question that I am: What's happened to us?

While some people joke that they could see me doing something similar one day (JUST A JOKE PEOPLE, I'M CLEAN), I don't think I ever could because killing isn't the answer. Like Louis CK says, we have murder laws for a reason. It doesn't lead to anything good.

While violence may sound like a quick fix, it seems like more of a bandaid than a solution. While justice needs to be served, we aren't God and aren't the judges of life. It's weird that some of us think we should be.

So, friends, not friends, random person reading this, here's my challenge. Let's find our humanity. Society dictates so much and it's my belief that it's time we become society. We really are society but we can create the new society. I mean, eventually society will be shaped by us anyway.

I don't think things are going to change anytime soon. Prejudices are taught, harnessed, and grown from an early age. It's only through teaching, action, and education that we can make a change. I believe that there will always be hatred in this world. Perfection isn't a reality. Utopia doesn't exist. But, I also believe that we can collectively craft a society that lays the foundation for our children and our children's children to make this world better.

My problem with prejudices, racism, sexism, homophobia, etc. is we decide that we're the judges. I've never understood where that power came from. Were we all not born human? Do not religions preach love? Why are we so shaped?

I challenge you to work on your prejudice. Question it. If not for the sake of you, for the sake of future generations. The thing that really gets me is I wonder where we'd be if we didn't have prejudices. Like, the places we could go. Instead of dismissing someone for their appearance, allowing the best and brightest to thrive, or the hardest workers to succeed. What have we missed out on by dismissing? Sure, some people fall through the cracks and break through, but so many others don't.

I don't want to live in a place, and I don't my children to live in a place, where someone says to me, "I'm sure you're innocent because you don't look like a bad guy." I want people to know I'm innocent because of proof or my actions or my values. I don't want to pass people on the street and instinctively put my hands in my pockets. I don't want to be upset if my wife makes more money than me. I don't want to be grossed out by two men showing affection. It's not my life, it's not my right to decide, it's not human. Also, it's not affecting me. Why can some people live their lives and others not?

I often wonder if we put the amount of effort into fighting our negativity against other humans that we put into gossiping, politicking, social mediating, where we could go.

Today, #ICanBreathe and that's not the case for everyone, unfortunately. But it's an opportunity that everyone should have. We have to stop creating enemies for the sake of having enemies or of the sake of society. We can be the change we want to see.

If you've made it this far, stay with me on this journey. Penetrate the system. Make things right. Stop being so fucking judging of people. Create new roots of humanity. Let your seeds (children) be humans. Loving, caring, humans. We're not all roses, but let the individual decide that. I challenge you to allow that to happen. This will not be agreeable to everyone, and I accept that. But I will be a domino for a better tomorrow. Will you?

Give people a chance. Everyone deserves that. That's how I will live my life.

Failing to Fail: Get Out of Bed

I've been thinking about something lately. I know what you're thinking ("when aren't you thinking about something!). You caught me.

Anywho, I verbalized this thought, concisely, to a friend today.  I've decided that I've been failing at failing, and it's something that has really started to bug me.

"Failing at failing? What ever could you be talking about?!" Well, I'm certainly glad you asked!  Allow me to explain.

As many of you probably know, one of my biggest fears is failing. As I've discussed in the past, though, failing isn't and shouldn't be considered a bad thing.  Certain type of failing, anyways. I haven't done a good enough job lately of putting myself in a position to fail. I have failed to give myself a chance to fail.

While at first you might think that's a good thing. I mean, who REALLY wants to fail? Thinking about it, though, doing so is preventing me from reaching greater heights. Many times (saying many times so I don't generalize), putting yourself in a position to fail means you're giving yourself a chance to succeed, to reach a goal, or to gain.

It's like the whole light and darkness binary--just as you need darkness to appreciate light, you need failure to appreciate success. By failing to fail, I'm trying to stay in the light, which is leaving me stuck with blindness in the maze that is life.

The crazy thing about this failure is that I've found I've flourished most when put in a situation where I could fail. For instance, when I was in high school, I randomly participated in a dance contest while waiting to get signatures from a few musicians. Was I nervous? Hell yes. Was there a chance I'd lose or embarrass myself? Hell yes. I ended up putting myself in a position to fail, and I succeeded. I not only won the contest, but I also got to do the worm for the musicians, and my brother and I were personally invited to the concert.  Staying safe wouldn't have afforded me those opportunities.

Honestly, putting myself in a position to fail isn't too scary once I do it.  While I'm scared of failure, I usually use failure to learn and grow. The hardest part for me is positioning myself.  It's odd really.

I came up with a simile that makes a lot sense to me. Putting myself in a position to fail is like getting out of bed. I sometimes find that it's really tough to get out of bed in the morning sometimes. The snooze button is such a whore, always wanting to be touched. I'm fine once I get out of bed. I'll wake up and be ready for the day. It's just so much more comfortable in the bed. I know getting out of bed will help me start the day and get me moving, but it's sometimes difficult. Similarly, I find many times I stay in my bed of safety even though I know deep down stepping out of the bed and into the position of possible failure is the better choice.

The worst part about all of this problem is that it's so easy to fix--in theory. JUST GET OUT OF THE FUCKING BED, ROBERT. When I think about it, it's easy, but I freeze too often, and it irks me. The only real way to fix it, though, is to get out of the bed.

Maybe I just need to take baby steps, maybe I need to write myself a note that says, "Did you fail today?", or maybe I just need to jump. I'm sure what my solution is, but I'm sure tired of it bugging me.

Let's think about it here. Are you putting yourself in a position to fail (as scary as that sounds)? Are you giving yourself the chance to reach your goals, to find happiness, to live? Sure you're positioning yourself to fail, but it's not a guaranteed failure.  You can only eat ramen for so long.

It's time I take a step back and figure out where I want my life to go and where I need to reposition myself, and I encourage you to join me. Nerves will kick in and you may get nervous, but the results will be worth it. You'll learn, you'll grow, you'll succeed. No more failing at failing.

Let's get out of bed.

Airplane Safety: It's Obviously a Life Lesson

About a week and a half ago, I traveled for a work conference. Where I traveled to and what I traveled for (specifically) isn't important for the sake of this post. The fact that I traveled, though, is relevant.

I've been reading more lately than usually, and it's been fascinating and thought provoking. Not only I'm I drawn by these stories, but they're really making me think about a variety of subjects (as if I needed more things to think about). Anyways, the most recent books I've read, The Fault in Our Stars and Perks of Being a Wallflower (both recommended and both books I'd recommend), seem to both focus to some degree on individual action.  They both shout the message that the world isn't going to give you want you want; you have to take it (okay, well some people seem to have the world on speed dial).

What does traveling have to do with the thoughts about these books? Simple: Air plane safety procedures.

I got to thinking the other day that a particular air plane safety procedure thematically follows a key message in the aforementioned books.

I'm referring to the rule about what happens if oxygen pressure drops in the cabin and the oxygen masks fall from above. They tell you how to put the mask on, which seems relatively simple. The key, the rule they emphasis, is to put on your mask BEFORE you put on someone else's oxygen mask.  The thought process, I'd assume, is if you get nervous and mess up helping your companion, you're both pretty screwed. Okay, so that wasn't the best way to put it, but it gets the point across.

According to this rule, you can't adequately help someone else until you help yourself out first. Bing, bang, boom; connection made.

Whenever I hear this rule on a plane (the whole five times I've traveled on a plane), I always have hypothetical thoughts. What if it's my spouse next to me? Or a child? Or MY child? Could I really sit there and secure my safety while I'm seemingly putting him or her at risk? It's hard for me to think I could. Like, I'd want to do what's right; so, I may decide to follow the rules. But, in many of the situations, I hypothetically think it's a better idea to secure his or her oxygen mask.

It's tough, but I'm starting to think that I'm wrong. Maybe it's the high from the books; maybe I'm just thinking more logically; maybe I'm growing up and learning. I'm not really sure.

If you can securely fasten your oxygen mask first, you'll have the ability to work more efficiently when trying to help others. First off, they might be capable of putting their own oxygen masks on. Secondly, while you may have adrenaline and be a little shaky, you'll have more oxygen, which will help you function. Plus, if you focus on getting yours first with the thought of helping others after, you're probably going to be more focused on getting the oxygen mask on quickly, instead of panicking to get someone else's on before you run out of air.

I've decided this thought process and the air plane safety rule is a solid metaphor for life. You have to save yourself before you can save someone else.

It's actually somewhat unfair to the other person if you don't. If you think about it, helping them first means you aren't at full strength, and who needs half-assed help?  If you can't even save yourself, how do expect to save someone else?

Okay, maybe "save" is a little extreme. How about we start off with take care of yourself. The thought applies to both.

I think my problem with this notion is I've felt like it was selfish. I felt I was selfish if I thought about myself and my own needs first (still, somewhat do); however, it's actually kind of selfish if you aren't being a little selfish.

Helping someone when I can't help myself is (a) hypocritical, (b) unfair, and (c) not helping anyone in the long run, usually.

Sure, sometimes you have to think about others in the spur of the moment. Like, oh man that guy is going to get hit by a car if I don't say anything. Duh, you say something.

I'm more referring to general-ish situations. It just seems more likely that you'll both crumble if a broken person tries to fix a broken person without trying to either separately or simultaneously fixing your own broken nature. Or if you're trying to appease someone else while not appeasing yourself, it doesn't bode well as it's probably not sustainable in a positive manner.

In Perks of Being a Wallflower (spoiler alert), towards the end the main character's crush kind of explains one instance of what I'm talking about. The crush asks him why he never asked her out after a period of hardships when he was there for her. He responded saying he was just trying to be a friend and didn't think that's what she wanted. Even though he wanted to ask her out, he was holding himself back to follow what he PERCEIVED to be her needs. In doing so, he was helping her but he wasn't fully there. He was holding back his true essence. She said that it wasn't fair to either of them to do so because for one he wasn't showing her the true him and secondly, he wasn't allowing her to be her since he made the presumption. He hid both of them by not acting, talking, or showing his feelings. All along, she actually needed him to be him. Don't worry, it works out as he finally decided to take care of himself before worrying about everyone else for once. This leads to resolutions of conflicts that helps EVERYONE in the end.

Obviously, this story is just that, a story. It's a fictional story; however, I think it holds more truths than fallacies. To me, it kind of goes back to this whole divorce debacle we face. It seems like many people marry someone else before they know who they are and before they can take care of their own needs. They then expect too much out of their partner, and things eventually crumble as they learn (or sometimes don't learn) how to achieve this particular independence despite his or her spouse instead of learning before and co-existing. It seems to be a wedge when you have to find yourself after joining a team in matrimony.

Alright, I've taken enough of your time. I think, I hope, I've gotten my point across. When I was thinking about this post I kept thinking about the line: Until you find yourself it's impossible to lose you.  I think it fits. Let's all work on working on ourselves before holding up the world with busted knee caps. Can ya dig it?

Grab your oxygen mask!

Loneliness and Sadness: Breaking the Silence

Remember how I said last time I needed to start writing more frequently again and stop making excuses? So much for that. I think I can, I think I can, I think...

While my consistency isn't what is once was, my thoughts are as countless as ever. Today, I'd like to talk about loneliness and sadness.

That's right; I said loneliness and sadness. Oh snap!

How DARE I mention those two words. We aren't supposed to talk about those words. We're supposed to be happy. We're supposed to have everything figured out. We're supposed to be strong. Society says we're NOT supposed to be weak.

Here's the deal: I think it's about time we stop letting society dictate what we can or cannot do. I think it's time we start dictating what society can or cannot do. I mean, we are kind of society after all.

I'm not sure about you, but I've always felt like there's an unwritten rule about loneliness and sadness. Heck, it's probably a written and verbalized rule. I've always felt like talking about such notions is a cause for shunning. Doing so makes you weak, and nobody likes someone who is weak. Right?

I feel like this notion has been passed on from person to person, and it's slowly become this cantankerous albatross that weighs down on our voice boxes. We become silent. In this silence, our sadness and loneliness is amplified as our sense are ever so aware of their growing presence. The presence attaches itself like a leach--feeding off out weakening sprits. As it feeds, we lose the ability to speak up or fight back. The silence grows louder but no one can hear.

It's time to fight back. It doesn't need to be like that. Our room doesn't need to be empty. In fact, I think this room is fuller than we realize but we've forgotten our lights (our voices) and we've been missing the people staring us in the face all along.

I can't speak for everyone, but through experience I've gathered that we've all gone through and we all go through shit.  Some people's shit might stink more than other's, but the fact is we all have burdens that weigh on us. Furthermore, I whole-heartedly believe that (here comes the sweeping generalization) experiences loneliness and sadness at some point. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E.

I don't think simply saying that you should get over your loneliness or sadness. It doesn't work like that. I think it'd be unfair to say, "Since everyone experiences loneliness or sadness at some point to some degree, you should just get over and stop feeling sorry for yourself because you're not the only one dealing with it."

Wrong. So, so, so wrong.  Instead, I think we need to start verbalizing this loneliness or sadness more freely. I honestly think doing so could accomplish more than we think.  For one, I've found that people are more likely to open up when you open up, and they generally can empathize to some degree. Secondly, it would help bury the stigma that these type of feelings or emotions are for the weak. We're all weak at some point.

I think people are better than we give them credit for. Friends genuinely care and are usually willing to help. Maybe they're not the best at helping, but I think they genuinely would want to try. It's much easier to find your way out of the darkness when you have help searching for the light switch.

College students are flooding counseling centers. People are increasingly stressed, anxious, and depressed for a variety of reasons. Many are willing to talk to "professionals" but isn't it time we start talking to our peers?

Opening up and trusting people to help isn't going to solve the problems. It may not cure your sadness or loneliness (though it could); however, it can at least lift some weight and let you know that it's okay to feel how you're feeling and you're not alone. You're never as alone as you think you are. Never.

I strongly believe that for every one person who isn't willing to listen or doesn't care or wants to belittle you for your feelings there are ten others willing to listen or offer help. I have a feeling many of those who won't help are struggling to ask for help themselves. I lost many friends over the years -- I've noticed people come and go often -- but I've noticed that there's always someone else to be found, to be befriended, or to talk to.

I think we're all kind of alone, and maybe we could all use each other. Isn't it time? It's time to remove the leach.

I'm a little rusty with my writing; so, I'm going to end it with the help of a friend's poem:
if you ever feel alone,
then you are not alone.
lonely is the world
‘n the lonely are right at home.

Meh: Complacency Impedes Our Growth

I took a little hiatus from blogging. Actually, I took a little hiatus from personal blogging. I've been blogging for work, and I must have justified that as being "good enough." Complacency, I know.

Complacency: a villainous notion.  It's often our kryptonite in personal and professional development. We think, or maybe even feel, like things are "good enough." When we stop challenging the norm we stop growing. Complacency weeds out potential, sadly.

Okay, simply blaming idleness on complacency is a little narrow minded and an oversimplification; other factors play a role in our stunted growth. Problematically, though, I think it's easier to focus on one thing at a time. By nature, we aren't necessarily great multi-taskers. So, let's tackle this complacency since it's at the forefront of my mind.

I've been thinking about it lately not only because I've been lacking in the personal blog department, but also because it's graduation season. Graduation season comes with speeches--lots and lots of speeches. Particularly, especially in today's world, we are bombarded with celebrity speeches at their alma maters or random colleges thanks to the magical world of YouTube. Many times, those speeches are placed for comedic value, which is fine; however, if you take a listen and look for patterns, those speeches hold some not-so-hidden value.

If you take most speeches from successful people (celebrities for this example), you'll find one component that's conspicuously missing: complacency. Many of these folks weren't satisfied with "good enough" or the status quo. They didn't get their degrees or go to college and say, "well, this is my life."

Instead, the common trend seems to be their pursuit of something more. While it might come across as vanity to think of acting, for instance, as something more, it's the individual value of that something more that counts. These people had dreams and weren't afraid to chase them. They weren't go to be satisfied with good enough; they wanted to fulfill their dreams.

Most of these people may have opportunities to find something safe and become complacent; however, they decide it won't bring them fulfillment, true fulfillment.

I tend to think we become complacent because of fear (oh fear, how you drive our lives). As I've said before, I am in constant fear of failure.  It's always been something that's haunted me. Problematically, if you fear failure you tend to accept complacency. If you're unwillingly to make yourself vulnerable for the sake of achieving something greater, you stay put.

These celebrity speeches tend to talk about how they failed time and time again, and how that failure was necessary for them to find their success. They didn't become complacent, though. They didn't let the fear hold them back or knock them down. They didn't settle.

I may not always understand or like celebrities, but I have to give them credit.

I feel like the people who achieve the most in life and are the most successful, subjectively (because it's impossible to universally and objectively define success), are those who fight complacency. You may get to a point that you become complacent by virtue of reaching the top rung, but I think many of us mistake the height of our top rung.

Obviously, we must account for other factors, but I truly believe more people would find success, fulfill dreams, or get a better life if they dismissed their complacency. As always, it's easier said than done.

I was talking to a friend the other day about possible solutions to a problem. The solutions would take some work, but were definitely in the realm of plausibility. The response: "But that's too much work."

I challenge you, friends, to fight complacency and fight for what you want. Youthful people especially, but it's applicable to young and old alike. As a recent speaker suggested, wouldn't you rather fail trying something that brings you joy rather than something you dislike? As in, if you have a passion and want to be a influential blogger, wouldn't you rather continue to try finding success with your blog rather than giving up? It makes a lot of sense.

Action. Dedication. Will power. You CAN do this.

Texting Walls

Technology is killing relationships.

Wait; that's not true. Is it really killing relationships? I really don't think that's the case.  Well, not in a sweeping generalization sort of way. Can it kill relationships? Duh. But so can many other things.

While some may hold a disdain for technology, it certainly helps maintain relationships.  Staying in touch with friends and distant family members would be much more difficult (though still doable) without the advancements in technology.  As with most things, though, it's all about moderation.

While I'd argue that technology doesn't quite kill relationships, I'd argue that you can't originate or grow a relationship through it.  Doing so isn't organic--it's robotic (see what I did there!).  I'm specifically considering technology in the form of textual communications.

Let's break it down:

For relationships, I'm talking about both friendships and intimacies (and not acquaintances), you need vulnerability.  Vulnerability is the fertilizer for any successful relationship. With vulnerability comes trust; you can't have trust without it.

Vulnerability is essential. You need real human interaction, though, for it to truly exist.  You need to have that moment of fear, or inhibition, or oh shit did I really just say that? You need to present your reality and not your ideology.

With things like text messaging, Facebook chats, and dating sites, we can't truly get to know someone. The relationships that originate from those devices can't be sustained. They don't have the vulnerability.

Sure, you can spill your guts to someone or they cant tell you their life stories, but it's a farce. We think we're breaking down walls and getting to know someone but instead we're getting thought-out calculations.  When you develop a relationship over text, you fall into the false illusion that your breaking down a wall.  Instead, you're taking out bricks and getting a small peak into the inside.

When we finally meet face-to-face, the reality of this wall's existence smacks us as we run full-force to breach the borders. While textual communications give us insights, it simultaneously almost add an additional wall, or a barrier. Suddenly, when communication is live, the barrier is gone and things get weird (and not in a good way).

Interaction must be quick, before this false sense of security takes over. If you meet someone briefly and find yourself communicating via texts, that doesn't mean it's destined to fail.  I'm merely suggesting we need more realistic conversations and interactions sooner than later.  A foundation can't be built with barriers--let the barriers come later, if they must at all.

The goal in many of our lives is to find a partner, right? Well, how can you truly find a partner if you speak from afar? Even if you fall in love with who they are through text, it sets up an even harder journey.  Breaking those walls to build your own foundation becomes much more difficult.

Just a thought.